Zombie Attack In Miami! Is The Zombie Apocalypse Here?!
Well, it appears as if the zombie apocalypse may finally be upon us. Over the weekend in Miami, a man was shot and killed by police after he wouldn’t stop eating the face of a homeless man on the MacArthur Causeway. Yeah, you read that last part right. He was eating a bums face! Zombies have arrived and they’re coming to get you, Barbara!
According to police sources for the Miami Herald, a “road ranger” saw a naked guy eating the face of a homeless man. The ranger tried to get the guy to stop his meal and back off to no avail, during which time an unidentified female flagged down a police officer. Once the officer arrived on scene he ordered the man to back away. When the naked zombie-dude failed to comply with the officers orders, first growling at the officer and then continuing to eat the homeless man, the officer was left no choice but to open fire.
In true zombie fashion, the man continued his attack after the first shot, forcing the officer to keep firing. Witnesses on the scene claim to have heard at least six shots fired. Obviously the officer didn’t know how to properly kill a zombie. A head shot, Mahoney! That’s how you kill a zombie. A. Head. Shot.
The homeless man without a face (think Mel Gibson in “The Man Without A Face”), 65-year old Ronald Poppo, remains in critical condition. No word as to whether or not he’s turned into one of the undead has been given. As for for the now dead-dead naked zombie-dude, he’s has been identified as Rudy Eugene. Authorities are claiming that bath salts, a new form of LSD, were responsible for his “zombie-like actions”. Yeah, right…that’s just them trying to cover up the existence of zombies.
The Mayan calender ends this year and some nuts have speculated that the world will end. Well, what if the world ends due to the zombie apocalypse? Who knows, but stocking up on ammo and getting yourself an ax, or a chainsaw might be a good idea. Get your boomsticks ready, kiddies. It’s huntin’ time!
Oh and one last thing, if the zombie apocalypse does happen, leave all kids named Carl behind, they will only cause trouble and get any guys named Dale killed. That is all.
