You Can’t Go Back Part 4: A Goofy Musing

A video was circulating of a man cosplaying as Powerline at Wondercon last week. I shared it on my Facebook wall which lead to a friend sending me the following video.

This reminded me of another video I saw of someone re-enacting the opening scene from A Goofy Movie. It made me realize that every time I met someone who liked Goofy Movie we’d both get excited and geek out that we both knew it existed.

Here’s the weird thing about it though… almost everyone I know has seen and loved this movie. I’ve noticed the same situation come up with the movie Heavyweights (which is also great). It seems that every person between the ages of 22 and 35 saw A Goofy Movie and thought that they were the only person to see it. As if we all collectively discovered a secret Disney film.

Maybe because we were ashamed to admit how much we loved Disney movies back then. Which is dumb of us because I don’t care who you are, part of you will always love Disney movies.

This past week I’ve been listening to Disney music in my car. It’s been a mixed bag of emotions. One of the weirder parts about being an overly sensitive and emotional person with anxiety and depression is your ability to smile, laugh and cry simultaneously.

On one hand Disney makes me smile. It makes me think of my vacations to DisneyWorld. The most recent one was in this past October with my family. It was one of the best vacations I ever had. I probably was to proud to say that to anyone in my family, but it really was. Just spending time with the people I loved the most, surrounded in a place filled with so much joy … it’s all the things vacations are made to be.

Disney trips are difficult. They’re long and more work than relaxing. But when you’re standing next to the greatest people in the world watching those fireworks over Cinderella’s Castle it’s impossible to not love the place, even for just a second.

The time prior to that was my senior class trip. It was just a few weeks before graduation and very few of my friends attended the trip. I ended up making friendships with classmates I never spoke to. They are now among my closest friends in the world. Another example of the power of Disney.

This is footage from my class memory tape edited by me

So why the sadness?

Because previous to these two trips… my Aunt Lisa had been with us on every trip to Disney. She loved Disney. When I was in college my aunt was diagnosed with cancer. She was given a year and she made it six. None of us said it on our family trip this October, but she was missed.

It’s not easy continuing to live life when someone who was a part of it is no longer in it. There is forever a part of you missing when that person is gone. This is why I find myself crying my way through singing Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious in my car on a Thursday. I probably watched Mary Poppins with my aunt more than any other movie.

It’s sad and it’s unfair. It’s always awful when someone is taken from us too soon. I was in 10th grade when my grandfather died. At the time, he was my best friend. How is that fair? How is it fair to expect a 16 year old kid to have to deal with not just his grandfather dying… but his best friend? It’s not fair that my grandmother had to bury her daughter. It’s not fair that my dad had to say goodbye to his only sibling. It’s not fair… but to quote one of the greatest movies ever made… ‘Life’s not fair princess, anyone who tells you otherwise is selling you something’.

When someone is ripped from your life it leaves a painful void and you can fill that void with one of two things. You can fill it with anger and sadness and bitterness. You can curse this world for being so cruel and so unfair. Or…

Or, you can live life harder than ever to make up for the life they can’t live.

That’s the option I prefer. So I went to Disney with my family. I rode the Haunted Mansion for her. I ate at Downtown Disney and saved her a seat in my mind. I walked around Animal Kingdom with her in my heart. When I screamed on Tower of Terror I screamed extra loud for her. When I’m singing along to Beauty and the Beast in my car, I’m singing it for her.

My family is already planning another trip to Disney. I can’t wait. I can’t wait to walk through Magic Kingdom’s gates, hear that music and feel her smiling with us. My Grandfather too and countless others that I carry in my heart every single day.