by Eric Diaz Monday 12th March 2012

WTF News Of The Week: Garbage Pail Kids Movie Being Remade

If there was any further proof needed that the world was indeed ending in December of this year, this news might seal the deal. The Garbage Pail Kids movie is being remade. And before you check your calendar, April 1st is still a few weeks away.

For those of you too young to remember, Garbage Pail Kids were a series of trading cards produced by Topps, with gross out versions of the then popular Cabbage Patch Kids dolls. When I was in the fifth and sixth grade, these cards were the shit. Everyone traded them, it was a minor obsession among kids at the time (think pogs, you children of the 90’s) Schools banned the cards, making us want to trade them and collect them even more. Debuting in 1985, the cards were all the rage for about two years, and then everyone stopped caring about them, right around the time the target demographic discovered masturbation.

I just might have had this sticker on my binder, circa 1986.

So in 1987, right as the fad was about to die, the Garbage Pail Kids live action movie was released on an unsuspecting and undeserving world. It was an huge critical and commercial flop, barely making $1 million dollars at the box office. Box office aside, it is also one of the worst movies ever made. Like…really, really bad. So of course it is about to be remade.

The man behind this genius idea is Michael Eisner. Yes, the same Eisner who once saved the Walt Disney company from irrelevancy in the 80’s, and then was ousted for staying way past his expiration date. Eisner bought the TOPPS trading card company a few years back, and is now trying to ring anything he can out of it. Someone named PES (yes, that’s their name) known for making youtube videos and whatnot, is set to direct. Sure, why not.

Who is the market for this movie supposed to be? People my age realized this shit was stupid around the time we got pubes, and younger folk pretty much have no idea what Garbage Pail Kids are. I’m not even sure the target demo knows what Cabbage Patch Kids even are. More and more I think those ancient Mayans were on to something.