William Bibbiani Reviews Puzzle Quest 2!
Every time I think about Puzzle Quest 2, the new game from D3 Publisher and Infinite Interactive, it hurts my brain parts. As a critic I pride myself in being able to make connections, associations and by extension conclusions based on artistic stimuli. But Puzzle Quest 2 defies critical analysis at every turn. It’s a role-playing game in which the role-playing aspect is inconsequential. It’s a puzzle game with an impenetrable role-playing-themed menu system. It’s intensely addictive, fun and provides countless hours of entertainment, yet it won’t let me into its little world. It refuses to be loved. It only wants to be used. The appeal of Puzzle Quest 2 is obvious, but I just can’t respect this dirty little whore of a game.
A bit of backstory: Puzzle Quest 2 is – brace yourselves – the sequel to Puzzle Quest 1, which married a familiar puzzle-based combat system to a familiar RPG storyline. In both games, players choose to play one of the standard RPG archetypes, wizards, barbarians, etc., and go on quests, rescue maidens, fight goblins and so on. But every time a confrontation is in order, be it a fight to the death or simply bashing down a door, the conflict is represented via puzzle games not unlike Bejeweled. Align Skull icons to attack your enemy. Align Door icons to attack the door. Align Pretentious Critic icons to disparage the game, et cetera. The puzzle elements are flawlessly represented in Puzzle Quest 2. Easy to learn, hard to master and full of bright colors, explode-y sound effects and satisfying victories that will keep gamers up to the wee hours telling themselves “just one more duel.”
It’s not an RPG, it’s a menu screen. You can either play a puzzle game or go to a different menu, wherein you can play a puzzle game. Your choice!
But the emphasis in Puzzle Quest 2 is clear. This is a puzzle game with RPG trappings, and the RPG falters considerably as a result. Players will not inhabit their role, or “play” them if you will. Although you’re given the option to conduct your affairs as a variety of familiar fantasy stereotypes, the difference between characters is minimal, and customization is non-existent. Although you can find new armor and weapons for your character, their appearance never changes. Even their name cannot be altered at the start of gameplay, which tells you all you need to know. The technology used to change a few characters of text throughout a game – paying infinitesimal lip service to the ability to identify with your protagonist – has been around since the NES days. Its omission here can only mean that Puzzle Quest 2 cares not for its RPG trappings. Although each class has certain distinctive bonuses and you can level up each character however you choose, the result is a game of competing statistics, not characters.
Do you care? If not, then you’re in for a treat, as the RPG elements just act as a colorful if unnecessarily complicated menu screen for selecting various puzzle competitions. As stated, these puzzle games are endlessly playable. I’ve committed about 10 hours to Puzzle Quest 2 already with nary an end in sight to either the “story” (such as it is) or potential for puzzle combat. And using puzzles as a metaphor for RPG combat makes a certain degree of abstract sense. Dungeons & Dragons slowed real-time battles down to a crawl in order to determine statistical minutiae: One’s strength, agility and skill with a blade boils down to a probability for successful attack which, when combined with the enemy’s comparable defensive statistics, can be determined by a toss of the appropriate dice. A little elaborate, perhaps, but it makes sense. The ability to match certain tiles together in a puzzle system could be a reasonable facsimile of this system in theory, buuuuuuuuuuuut…
How do rats know how to play a puzzle game? How do rats have more hit points than you? How do rats cast magic spells? Who built the pyramids? Who shot JFK? Where did I put my glasses?! Will I ever meet the right girl?!
Matching Skull icons together attacks the enemy, so that must represent a physical attack, right? Well, no, because in addition to matching Skull icons the player can also just attack with their weapon. Huh? So what are the Skulls? Are they…? Wait, so Fist icons allow you to build up melee attacks, so they must represent… Something? Mana can only be collected by matching various colors of tiles, but why must they be collected in the heat of battle? Wouldn’t you want to collect mana on your own? Say, before the fighting begins? WHAT THE HELL DOES THE PUZZLE GAME REPRESENT? Is it a test of will? Of strategy? Or does the puzzle game represent nothing, instead literally taking place between your character and the enemy, be it Polar Bear or Rusty Gate? Does everyone in the Puzzle Quest-iverse solve their disputes via a board game? Is this the secret history of Professor Layton’s puzzle-obsessed reality? How do you get a monster tyrant named “King Godd” to agree to let you attack him with your sword if you manage to match up a few tiles in a brightly colored puzzle game? Is he really that honorable? Why is it that your enemies die when they lose a game, but your character just steps back a bit with no penalty whatsoever, ready to play again if you’re feeling up to it? Who is Keyser Soze?!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaRGH!!!
Sigh…
Although clearly designed to defy interpretation, there’s no denying that Puzzle Quest 2 is essentially heroin in videogame form: an empty experience, perhaps, but a pleasurable timewaster that you may find impossible to give up. As a game, it’s brilliant. As a concept, it’s impenetrable. As an RPG, it sucks. It’s Puzzle Quest 2, and you won’t be able to put it down… unless you’re an angry critic who can’t figure this damned thing out.
Puzzle Quest 2 is now available for the Nintendo DS, Xbox Live, iPhone and Windows.
