Top Five Reasons 2010 will Rule
Before anybody makes a snarky comment, yes, I do realize that it’s almost February. But, I’m going to keep milking the New Year’s figurative teat for a little while longer. Last week, I so eloquently pointed out the top five reasons why 2010 probably will suck. Well, this time it’s all rainbows and sunshine because I’m thinking positive. Below, you’ll find the top five reasons why 2010 will…like…totally rule. Now, lets all hold hands and sing Kumbaya.
Chris Nolan’s Inception
There are few filmmakers with a track record like Chris Nolan. Whether it’s the terrific Memento, a revamped Batman franchise, dueling turn-of-the-century magicians, or miraculously creating a movie containing both Al Pacino and Robin Williams where they don’t overact (that’s Insomnia, for you noobs out there), the guys got skills. So, it’s hard to imagine that his upcoming film Inception (arriving in July) will be anything but fantastic. With a cast that’s full of great actors as well as people I’d like to bang (Hi, Ellen Page!), I can’t help but be pumped. I mean, who cares if the trailer doesn’t make a lick of sense? You have my faith, Nolan. You have my faith…
Tablets. Tablets. Tablets.
Now that Apple has revealed the details regarding it’s brand spanking new tablet (the unfortuantely named “iPad”), expect a lot more technology companies to jump on he touching bandwagon (which is, coincidentally, the bandwagon I jump on when I fondle your sister). Why does this rule? Well, frankly, nothing would make me feel more futuristic then being able to carry around an interactive piece of technology that is around the size and shape of a stack of papers. It’s like far out, man! Plus, it’s gonn’a be a great way to look at porn on the subway…I mean…um…do “research” for my forthcoming screenplay on the subway.
M. Night Shyamalan is Going to Make a Movie that Won’t Suck
Remember when M. Night Shyamalan was a respected and visionary director? Me neither. But, I do remember a time when he actually made watchable movies. Say what you want, but the Sixth Sense kicked ass. And, Unbreakable and Signs both have their awesome moments. However, with 2008’s the Happening, Shyamalan created something so ridiculous that it made Mark Wahlberg appear even more retarded than normal. It’s a well-known fact that Hollywood loves a comeback story. So, my prediction for 2010 is that Shyamalan earns back some much coveted geek-cred with his adaptation of the wonderful Nickelodeon cartoon “Avatar: The Last Airbender.” Don’t let us down Shyamalan. Us geeks are counting on you.
Sylvester Stallone’s The Expendables
Sly Stallone? Dolph Lundgren? Jason Statham? Jet Li? Bruce Willis? Danny Trejo? Mickey Rourke? All in one action movie?
I. JUST. CAME.
Streaming is the new DVD
While I personally find all this new-fangled 3-D technology more annoying than watching white people play Apples to Apples at dinner parties, there is one piece of new entertainment technology that the industry got right—streaming. Whether it’s through Netflix, your gaming system, your Apple TV, or watching movies instantly in HD from other sources, streaming is the new format. Screw the “disc” wars—go format-less and watch your media in crisp high definition whenever you want it. However, in the future—for some inexplicable reason—girls still won’t be able to tell the difference between SD and HD. I swear, people, it’s a gender conspiracy…
Until next time…
