This Geek In Netflix: The 2011 Year End Awwwwards!!

There’s something I really hate about celebrating the New Year: recaps.  It’s when we drudge up everything that was so very forgettable and put it alongside stuff we actually care about, stuff we will carry into the new year with us.  Like Breaking Dawn: Part One.

Okay, okay, I admit, that’s only me and like sixty billion fangirls.  Whatever.  Yeah, shut it.  I’ll hunt you down with a chainsaw and some canola oil.

This was my first year at the lovely and wonderful Geekscape, home of the Heroine Addict, Ms. Molly Mahan (who I almost killed earlier today in a freak float decorating accident involving some onion seeds), and my own guilty pleasure, Matt Kelly (who I did not almost kill today, but who did move to Pennsylvania, which is sort of like death), and it has been a blast.

After all, what other website would encourage me to watch things that later have me rocking back and forth in a corner, feverish, scratching at invisible bugs crawling all over my body?  What other website owner would laugh at my suffering as much as Jonathan London does (Editor’s Note: And I do… a lot)?  Ah, rhetorical questions, you delight me.

For the answer is: no other website.  None could bring me such dirty joy as Geekscape brings me.  And on that totally unrelated note, here is my 2011 anti-recap “This Geek in Netflix” awards.  

“The Most Boring Movie That I’ve Watched This Year That Happens to Have a Spider Hut” goes to… In the Spider’s Web!  (The crowd goes wiiiiild!)

The only thing I really remember from this movie: Spider. Fucking. Hut.

“The Goddamn Freakiest Ultrasound I’ve Ever Seen” award goes to… Isolation!  Inside out fetal cows are fucking scary.  Even scarier when they put on puppet shows inside your uterus.

Ultrasound not shown.  Because I’m lazy.

“Best Use of Make-up” and “Best Line From a Movie” go to Night of the Demons for its inventive(ish) use of lipstick and the line: “She put her lipstick in her boob and it fell out of her vagina!”

Not the boobs in question, but still… boobs.  I’ll just be a moment.

The runner-up for “Best Turkey Puppet Wearing a Human Face” goes to Thankskilling! 

Still fucking adorable.

The winner for “Most Homoerotic Dance Number” is… Santa Claus and its delightfully cocky “devil dance”.  (Just watch it.  Really.)

Puckering up after putting on his dancin’ shoes.

For “I Would Rather Rub Ground Day-Old Chili Peppers Into My Nether Bits Than Watch This Movie Again”, we have a tie between Vampire Girl V.S. Frankenstein Girl and Kiss of the Vampire!  

Kinda explains itself.

And, finally, a special appearance for this awards show, we have the non-Netflix movie Kenneyville taking home the prize for Most Incoherent Storyline! (Oh, the drama! The audience is rapt with this unexpected turn of events!)

He’s trying to make her watch Kenneyville.  She’s looking for ground chili peppers.

Thanks for tuning in, folks.  We’ll be back after a few costume changes and maybe a nipple-slip or lesbian kiss.  Welcome the band, Stryper, to the stage!!!  (Audience roars!  A reference that no one under 35 will understand, OOOOOMMMMMGGGGGGG!!)