The Top-10 Films That Should Have Been Franchises

I heard an un-exaggerated statistic recently that about 98% of all films produced by major Hollywood studios in the last two years were either sequels, remakes, or stylistic throwbacks. I’m sure I’m not the only one to be annoyed by the recent spate of cynical, money-grabbing Hollywood remakes that have infected this country in recent years.

I have nothing against sequels or remakes in principle – I love most iterations of Batman, for instance – but we’ve reached a point where the producers’ intentions have become all too clear, and the plundering of the nostalgia chest has become utterly shameless. For instance, did we really need a remake of “The Shaggy Dog?” Or three CGI-animated features films about the Transformers directed by King Douche himself, Micheal Bay?

This is not just a rant about the sorry state of Hollywood genre entertainment, though. This is actually a roundabout complaint that the films I love are never made into the franchises I want to see. For every instance I wish there would be another Tales from the Crypt theatrical feature, Hollywood puts out another “Pirates of the Caribbean” film. I don’t want to see sequels to “Saw.” I want soe of the promised, failed franchises to come back.

In that spirit, here is a list of the top ten best films that should have mushroomed into full-fledged franchises.

10) “The Golden Compass” (2007)

Directed by: Chris Weitz

A gorgeous, scary children’s fantasy feature based on a wonderfully gripping novel by poetic atheist Philip Pullman, “The Golden Compass” was the underrated genre film of 2007. It took place in a world where people’s souls existed in the forms of talking animals, and featured a young girl named Lyra (Dakota Blue Richards) who discovered a grand conspiracy by a wicked woman (Nicole Kidman) to sever children’s spirit animals from their bodies. It was equal parts Dickens, Roald Dahl, Harry Potter, and H.P. Lovecraft for good measure. The Oscar-nominated special effects were eye-popping, and it was complex without being overcrowded. It also featured Sir Ian McKellan as a talking, alcoholic polar bear, whicyh is just badass.

The film ended with the promise of a sequel, and indeed, Philip Pullman has completed two other books to finish off this epic (The Subtle Knife, and The Amber Spyglass), multi-dimensional story. Sadly, “The Golden Compass” bombed at the box office, not least of which because of the very slight anti-church and anti-God massages peppered throughout; many Christian groups spoke out against “The Golden Compass” as a film.

I’m not exactly sure how the second and third films could have been made, as Pullman gets increasingly preachy as the series progresses, until the point where we have two 12-year-old children very literally killing God, and rejecting the church. But I would have loved to have seen an earnest attempt to film the entire story. I suspect it would have been preachy, bugnuts crazy, campy atheist proselytizing, but that’s a film I would love to see.

9) “Return to Oz” (1985)

Directed by: Walter Murch

In 1985, if I recall correctly, there was a mild firestorm of skepticism surrounding Walter Murch’s 44-years-after-the-fact sequel to the classic “The Wizard of Oz.” How could anyone, much less a first-time director, possibly match the wonder and classic, halcyon gorgeousness of one of the best films of all time? As it turns out, not very well; “Return to Oz” was not a box office success, and slipped out of theater relatively quickly.

The children who saw the film (and I am amongst this group) held the film dear to their hearts and an endlessly imaginative, gorgeous fantasy film that are rarely produced anymore. As a result, it is held to be something of a cult classic today, beloved by people of a certain age. What’s more, “Return to Oz” holds up upon re-visitation, and is just as startling, scary and weird as we remember.

Murch’s approach was brilliant; rather than trying to make his film look much like the 1939 classic, he returned to the literary images and W.W. Denslow’s and John R. Neil’s famous illustrations from L. Frank Baum’s original books. The result is astonishing. It really captures the innocence of the books, but also the weirdness, and the dark, uncomfortable feelings that Baum peppered throughout.

Baum wrote 14 Oz books, all of which are ripe material for crazy, gorgeous children’s films. I wish that Murch would have returned time and again to Oz.

8) “The Rocketeer” (1991)

Directed by: Joe Johnston

It fairly astonishes me that Joe Johnston’s “The Rocketeer” did not warrant a sequel. It was a superhero film that was part “Flash Gordon,” part “Indiana Jones,” all under the brighter, more fun aegis of Disney (as opposed to the stifling, overexposed, ultra-marketed version). This is another film that people of a certain age hold dear to their hearts, as it was nothing but fun and enjoyable as a child, and, like “Return to Oz” holds up remarkably well upon re-visitation.

It followed a handsome pilot named Cliff (Bill Campbell), and his accidental discovery of a German-made jet backpack that lets his soar through the skies. He is a reluctant hero, but, thanks to the hard work of his mechanic buddy (Alan Arkin), the love of his foxy girlfriend (Jennifer Connolly), and the villainous machinations of a slimy heavy (Timothy Dalton), he is forced to fight for justice.

Just look at the costume design for the titular hero – a swoopy, art-deco helmet, leather jackboots, a double-breasted leather jacket, and a rocket pack – and tell me that’s not a cool enough image to warrant sequels. I think too much time has passed, and the cast would be beyond a sequel to a fair success they made 20 years ago, but I’d still love to see another Rocketeer film. A 1940s-set, swashbuckling actioner. I guess I’ll have to wait until “Captain America” comes out for that.

7) “Super Mario Bros.” (1993)

Directed by: Annabel Jankel and Rocky Morton

I’ve mentioned “Super Mario Bros.” in the pages of Geekscape before (in this article: http://www.geekscape.net/top-10-most-amazing-pieces-of-fictional-footwear.html), so I won’t go on too much about how I, fancying myself a serious critic of cinema and its artistic impact on human culture, will defend this weird-ass, video-game-based, special-effect trainwreck of a film (with de-evolution guns, flying boots, Dennis Hopper, and sentient fungus) as one of the more entertaining films of the 1990s.

I will mention that, as many of us probably know, the film ended with a promise of a sequel. The last scene of “Super Mario Bros.” features Daisy (Samantha Morton) bursting into the New York apartment of the Mario bros. (Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo), sporting a gun and a panicked expression. “You guys are never gonna believe this!,” she shouts. Cut to black.

For those of us who earnestly love this film, this was a marvelous tease, and left us hungry for more. Sadly, the film was lambasted by pretty much everyone, flopped at the box office. Even at the time, I defended “Super Mario Bros.,” and tried to get my friends to admit that a sequel would be a good idea. No one agreed with me then. I can only assume that, as time has passed and as the cult has grown, there will be more people who have come over to my side, and secretly wished there could have been a whole series of “Super Mario Bros.” movies.

6) “The Incredibles” (2004)

Directed by: Brad Bird

If there can be three “Toy Story” films, and there is a planned sequel to “Cars” in the immediate works, why cannot Pixar, that stalwart CGI animation studio that is more consistently of quality than any other studio in the country, revisit their spy-flavored superhero family film “The Incredibles?” Superhero franchises are kind of a no-brainer, as the superhero is a proud tradition of the serialized comic book. It’s a pity then, that an animated superhero film like “The Incredibles” has fallen by the wayside, while big-budget pieces of crap like “Spider-Man 3,” “Catwoman,” and “The Incredible Hulk” got made.

I was not on the immediate bandwagon of “The Incredibles;” I thought it was a very good film, and I enjoyed it immensely, but I wasn’t one of the critics who worshiped at its alter. As someone who read superhero comics all through his high school years, I found the conceits to be fun and enjoyable, but not terribly original. That said, I would still have loved to see these same characters – superpowered middle aged parents and their hyperactive superpowered children – have more adventures as a family. I think I’m not alone in this.

Plus it would give a chance for hipster history buff Sarah Vowell to do more acting, and for Brad Bird to reprise his role as the hilarious, Edith-Head-inspired Edna Mole.

5) “Mystery Men” (1999)

Directed by: Kinka Usher

And speaking of superheroes, what conversation would be complete without a mention of the vastly underrated 1999 superhero comedy “Mystery Men?” A clever movie with a talented cast of deadpan comic actors, “Mystery Men” is another one of those funny films that was too weird to live, and too rare to die. It featured a group of second-rate superheroes with names like The Shoveler, The Spleen, and The Bowler who had to band together to rescue their city’s star superhero, Capt. Amazing from the wicked clutches of Casanova Frankenstein.

First of all, just check out this cast: Janeanne Garofalo, William H. Macy, Paul Reubens, Ben Stiller, Hank Azaria, Greg Kinnear, Lena Olin, Eddie Izzard, Geoffrey Rush and Tom Waits. While it would be a Herculean effort to reassemble such a high-calibre cast of edgy comic actors, comedians, and Tom Waits, for a sequel to a film that critics thought was too twee, overdesigned and overstuffed with characters and incident, I feel it would be worth it to see some of these quirky weirdos in action again. I thought the original “Mystery Men” is an underrated comedy classic, and should be held in high esteem in wider cult circles.

Again, a superhero franchise is a no-brainer. And, again, of all the superheroes that have had feature films, and feature sequels, why not give “Mystery Men” a chance. I mean, heck, it’s better than “Batman & Robin,” right?

Well, if the characters’ creator, comic books writer Bob Burden, ever gets his way, then we’ll be seeing a live-action Flaming Carrot feature film sometime in the future, and I await that day just as enthusiastically.

4) “Devil in a Blue Dress” (1995)

Directed by: Carl Franklin

Walter Mosley wrote a whole series of books to feature his laidback, hardworking 1940s L.A. private detective Ezekiel “Easy” Rawlins. In 1995, the first of the books, Devil in a Blue Dress, in wich Rawlins first discovered that he was fairly good at detective work, was adapted to the big screen in an equally laidback, minor arthouse hit. It starred Denzel Washington as Rawlins, and Jennifer Beals in the title role, and it was jazzy, smoky, and refreshingly adult. It was a mystery, like “Chinatown,” or “L.A. Confidential,” that was about cosmopolitan and intelligent grown-ups behaving like grown-ups.

I don’t want to give away any of the elements of the story, suffice to say that Easy Rawlins uncovered the appropriate mysteries, and brought appropriate justice to the bad guys. The film ended with Rawlins musing quietly to himself that he might become a legitimate private investigator. This is a series of films I want to see. Washington would be game, I’m sure, and the first film was popular enough – amongst critics and audiences – that it could be made. This is one of those films that could have limitless sequels, and still be fresh and fun.

What’s more, Don Cheadle would be able to return in the role of Mouse, and supply an utterly hysterical and audaciously ultraviolent sidekick to counterbalance Easy’s easygoing attitude. Let’s get these two back together, eh?

3) “Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World” (2003)

Directed by: Peter Weir

Again, I know I’ve talked about this film – extensively and ecstatically – many times in the past. Indeed, you can read my full-length essay on it here: http://witneyman.wordpress.com/2008/02/21/master-and-commander-the-far-side-of-the-world/. That said, I’ll try not to spend too much time waxing rhapsodic about the glorious adventurous poetry of the film, and indicate instead why it warrants full-fledged franchisehood.

The 2003 Peter Weir film, about the resourceful maritime Capt. Jack Aubrey (Russel Crowe) and his best friend, the ship’s stern and practical Dr. Maturin (Paul Bettany) was based on a series of novels by Patrick O’Brien, who wrote them in the 1970s. There were 20 books in the series, and the first film was based on the first and the 10^th; Peter Weir’s idea was to drop us, in medias res, into these sailors’ lives in order to forgo that tiresome origin story, and get to the good parts of the epic.

The film was quaint and humane and glorious. It captures the adventures of the sea, the intelligence of the crew, and the historically accurate, real-life travails of life on a Napoleonic warship. The film was, most notably, not about a single story, but felt more like a slice of life. The film did have a story arc, but it wasn’t necessarily completed by the end of the film, implying that life would continue.

Even if it was similar to the first, and it was mostly shots of sailors in a cramped area, learning the various details of command, and how to navigate a great frigate around the vast oceans, a sequel to this film would have been spectacular, and a grand chance to revisit these characters and to live this life. Plus, some of the books featured the irascible sexual conquests of the lead characters, which would have added a rompy element to the prceedings that would be welcome. Like the Easy Rawlins film, the “Master and Commander” films could have been numerous and unending.

2) “The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension” (1984)

Directed by: W.D. Richter

I love this movie. It’s weird and off kilter and way, way cool. Peter Weller, in the title role, is one of the coolest mothers to ever grace a movie screen, and his battle with interdimensional space aliens is a wonderfully whacked out affair that has secured the film an enormous and intensely devoted cult since its release in 1984.

The film was a minor hit back in the day, and the filmmakers even had plans for a sequel; the credits infamously promised a forthcoming sequel called “Buckaroo Banzai Against the World Crime League.” That title was evocative enough to have fans buzzing for decades. Every time a list of dream projects was assembled, The World Crime League was mentioned. To this very day, there are rumors about reassembling Peter Weller (now 63), Jeff Goldblum (58) and Ellen Barkin (56) and finally making the film, or at least converting it into a TV series.

I’m not sure how viable the property is any longer, and I’m pretty certain that the cartoon punkrock sensibilities of the 1984 original could not be recaptured in this day and age, but, well, call me a hopeless fanboy, I’d love to see someone try. I mean wouldn’t you?

1) “Demon Knight” (1995) and “Bordello of Blood” (1996)

Directed by: Ernest R. Dickerson and Gilbert Adler (respectively)

The two “Tales from the Crypt” feature films, despite being hosted by our lovable rotting Crypt Keeper (voice of John Kassir) didn’t really capture the wicked tone of the old 1960s EC comics, nor the gut-wrenching morality tales of the HBO TV series. What they did do, though, was open the door to a delirious form of fun, gory horror comedy that is all to rare in this day and age. Both “Demon Knight,” featuring William Sadler righteously fighting off a demonic Billy Zane, and “Bordello of Blood” about Dennis Miller infiltrating a brother populated by foxy vampire women, were action-packed, cheeky, horrific, fun, campy, and represent a glorious level of practical gore effects that has, rather sadly, passed.

While there were already two of these films (and a few straight-to-video sequels), I still feel that this is a franchise that was sadly cut short. These two films were so much fun and showed so much promise that I was hoping for at least seven more to keep my appetite for gore and action-horror-comedy slaked throughout the decade. It was not to be.

“Tales from the Crypt” was a powerful TV show at one point during the 1990s, and it seemed like every well-known actor appeared on the show. It had the clout of Robert Zemeckis behind it, and it attracted all manner of talented performers, writers and directors who would happily slum in the troughs of gore for one week. Just imagine if it still had the same clout today. “Tales from the Crypt” would have the power to take any one of your geek dreamcast fantasies, and bring it to life.

Well, one day, I’ll finish my “Tales from the Crypt” screenplay about the Boy Scout werewolves, and the franchise will be resurrected. Until then, we’ll have to make do with re-watching the two films that managed to get made, and laughing in giddy gorehound ecstasy at the flaming entrails being dragged behind a half-nude, gutted vampire hooker.

Witney Seibold is a happily married man living in Los Angeles, where he watches movies, reads old books, and merrily fosters unpopular opinions. He maintains his very own ‘blog, which is even updated from time to time, where you can read nearly 700 reviews that he has written over the years. Visit it here: http://witneyman.wordpress.com/