Ten Great Geek Team-Ups
The first most popular geek question (one that is first asked at about age 8) is “Who would win in a fight?” The second most popular geek question is the one I will address in the following article, and that involves great, unrealized pop-culture team-ups. Before I read my first comic book, a friend of mine would come over to my place, and proudly display his collection of superhero trading cards (in particular, the Marvel Cards, series I). We would enthusiastically pore over every card, memorizing origin stories, fight stats, and moral alignment. Before I plunked down real money to actually read a comic, I was well-versed in the universe of comic book heroes, and had even begun to form imaginary superhero teams. I don’t know if Cannonball, Morbius, Daredevil and Darkhawk would ever find themselves on a page together, but in my 11-year-old mind, they worked side-by-side.
Our tendency to imagine superhero mashups has continued unabated into adulthood. Some people joined fantasy football leagues. Some people would conjecture the best supergroups. But the principle of geek team-ups remains the same throughout. The superheo may have faded from the center of this academic exercise, but we all still entertain fantasies of seeing some of our favorite performers or character working together. In that tradition, I offer ten great geek team-up to ponder.
N.B. Seeing as the world of superheroes is so large, and superhero team-ups are so common, I have decided to excise all comic book superheroes from the list, and focus instead on other facets of popular culture. Enjoy.
Special thanks go to William Bibbiani, and my wife Angie for helping me do some vital brainstorming on this list.
Spiṅal Tap and Aldous Snow
from “This is Spinal Tap” (1984) and “Get Him to the Greek,” (2010) respectively
Played by: Michael McKean, Christopher Guest & Harry Shearer, and Russel Brand
Spinal Tap is the loudest band in the history of rock ‘n’ roll. Despite ever-withering venues and increasing turmoil within the group, Spinal Tap has stayed together through thick and thin (mostly thin), and remains true to the heavy metal mythology that they so strongly believe in. Some of their songs are legitimate hits, and it’s easy to groove along to noisy monstrosities like “Big Bottom,” and “Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight.” They are brash, and have an almost child-like insistence on their own inflated place in the popular music canon.
Aldous Snow is a cocky, callow British pop stallion who falls off the wagon with alarming frequency. He writes embarrassingly frank songs about starving orphans and taking drugs and sodomy (although not all at once).In his two cinematic appearances, Aldous Snow has been seen as equal parts pragmatic and chaotic, focusing, with equal fervor, on his love of music, and his love of the drug-and-sex-laced rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle. When it comes time for him to shine onstage, though, Aldous Snow is pleased to be performing.
Who wants to see a tour of Spinal Tap and Aldous Snow singing side-by-side? Everyone, that’s who. The synergy of these two bombastic and self-aggrandizing musical acts would either be a magical combination of just the right elements, or a drastic clash of on-stage ego to rival the fights of Oasis. Either way, that would be one Hell of a show.
Nicholas Angel and MI-5
from “Hot Fuzz” (2007) and “MI-5” (2002) respectively
Nicholas Angel (Simon Pegg) is the single most efficient and business-minded policeman in England. He doesn’t leap through the air, firing two guns at the same time, but he does have every last detail of policework memorized, and taken to heart. He will not abide by any shenanigans, and makes no leeway for laziness. Even when he’s in a tiny, largely-crime-free country village, Angel finds something to enforce.
The good folks at MI-5 may not seen as all-business as Nicholas Angel, but they perform some of the most bizarre and devoted tasks in the name of Britain’s national security. This group of spooks is populated by the best and the brightest, and they are each constantly on their toes. I always love to see smart people at their best, and MI-5, while occasionally going to some kind of silly places (I recall the first episode had a spy hairdrying a cat), were good spies at the top of their game.
If a superefficient cop like Nicholas Angel was in the employ of an actually-careful superspy force like MI-5, imagine the small countries that could be taken down. No James Bond quips or silly supervillans. Just maximum efficiency. But don’t worry. Thanks to a general human softening by each of the respective teams, there would also be occasional bouts of levity, and maybe even a reference to “Point Break.”
Zim and Dexter
from “Invader Zim” (2001) and “Dexter’s Laboratory” (1996) respectively
Played by Richard Steven Horvitz and Christine Cavanaugh
Zim is an Irkan space invader, hiding on Earth, unconvincingly disguised as a young boy. Zim has hugely advanced technology at his fingertips, and a fully-rounded hatred of humanity, paired with an earnest need to conquer the universe. He would be the ideal alien invader, were it not for his stultifying lack of talent, and unrecognized stupidity. It doesn’t take much to see what Zim is up to (A local boy named Dib is constantly trying to expose him), and he goes about his conquering of Earth is the sloppiest and most protracted fashion imaginable; one of his plans, for instance, involves posing as Santa Claus.
Dexter is a weirdly-accented boy genius who may not be constantly bent on world domination, but who certainly has a superior attitude. He is actually a smart kid who can easily manufacture and construct every manner of high-tech sci-fi machine in his secret lab under his house. He is such an enthusiastic engineer, in fact, that his ambition frequently gets the better of him; when asked to make a small wooden car move under its own engine power, he accidentally launches his entire school in to lower orbit.
We have two ambitious, ego-driven, boyhood maniacal supervillain types who, if they worked together, could most likely overthrow the planet. Even still, I imagine that a meeting between the two would be less than copacetic, and there would be all kinds of bizarre, shouting matches between the two. Should some brilliantly mad writer ever construct a Dexter/Zim script, I will be the first in line to see it.
Tenacious D and Dethklok
from “Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny” (2006) and “Metalocalypse” (2006) respectively
And speaking of heavy metal mashups… Tenacious D are a folk duo who worship at the alter of Ronnie James Dio. They don’t just sing about the Devil, but have actually met him, and have fantasies about using his fang to shred up some hot licks. They are kind of buffoonish, but it’s rare that you see a band so strongly committed to heavy metal fandom.
Dethklok are the single most popular deathmetal band on the planet. They are just as ego-driven and vain and dumb as most rock stars, but they have such a devotion to the deathmetal aesthetic, that they live in an enormous steel skull perched on the edge of a cliff, and regularly use their music to invoke elder gods from Stygian Finnish pits of icy blackness. A lot of metal bands talk about worphipping the devil, killing their fans, and living in a festering pit of filth, but Dethklok is actually doing something about it.
Proper metal concerts – the noisy demonstrative kind – are spectacularly opulent affairs as it is. But seeing a pair of stringently devoted metal fans like Tenacious D sing alongside the resourceful and destructive Dethklok would be a metal show to end all metal shows. If the Earth itself wasn’t sucked into a slathering Lovecraftian mouth of Hellish rock ‘n’ roll mouth of awesomeness, I would be let down.
The Sneakers and The Hackers
from “Sneakers” (1992) and “Hackers” (1995) respectively.
Martin Bishop (Robert Redford) leads a team of professional criminals and outcasts who use their respective skills to aid him in robbing banks and breaking into high-tech lock-ups just to test their security. They they’re paid. It’s not much of a living, but it’s a great way for people who post-Cold War espionage skills to stay fresh, and ply their illegal trade in a semi-legit fashion. Like anyone who works with computers for a living, each of the Sneakers is a little bit… off. Crease (Sidney Poitier) has anger problems. Mother (Dan Aykroyd) rants about conspiracies, and the adorable Carl (River Phoenix) hasn’t really developed social skills yet. And yet, they have a close-knit bond of mutual shop appreciation that is palpable.
Crash Override, also known as Dade Murphy (Johnny Lee Miller) was such a computer prodigy that, at age 10, he was able to crash dozens of protected government computer systems in a day. At age 18 (after a court injunction disbarring computer use) Dade jumped right back into the game, and fell in close with a circle of hip-talking, coolly-dressed underground cyberpunks, who played pranks and caused info-mischief as a hobby. Like the Sneakers, each of these kids was a little off. Lord Nikon (Laurence Mason) was cocky and mysterious. Joey (Jesse Bradford) was a sloppy newbie. Cereal Killer (Matthew Lillard) was something of a maniac. Acid Burn (Angelina Jolie) served as Dade’s smoky love interest/bitter rival.
The team-up of these old-school Cold War veterans with these cocky, stylish anarchist Gen-Xers seems to me like they could take down anything. It’s true that they wouldn’t fully trust one another: The Sneakers would be wary of the younger people’s lack of agenda, and the youngsters would be wary of the oldsters inability to absorb new technologies with any kind of relevant expediency. But, once they got chugging, they could use their righteous pranksterism to destroy every bit of corporate oppression the Earth has to offer.
Dr. Gregory House and The Doctor
from “House” (2004) and “Doctor Who” (2005)
I understand this is a weird one, but hear me out…
Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie) is a brilliant doctor with a horrible drug problem and the bedside manner of a particularly snippy Nazi. He is a doctor, sworn to cure human beings of their ailments, who is a legitimate misanthrope; he is more interested in the lives and deaths of viruses and ailments than he is about the quality of human life. Indeed, he often goes out of his way to make his co-workers uncomfortable, and will berate his patients for whatever imagined infractions he can think up. The only reason he is kept around is because he invariably is able to intuit the true causes of some mysterious malady he has encountered. It’s never lupus. He is a brilliant doctor.
The Doctor (currently played by Matt Smith) is an ancient space alien, one who looks human, who travels through time in a magical machine, and frequently protects the Earth from the threat of some evil alien force who would destroy it. He is very much an optimist, quick with a plan, and eager to see what will happen next. It’s rare that he is in a true state of panic, and there is very little he outwardly hates. He is eager to help people, and keen to rescue civilization. When he meets people (or aliens), he approaches with a friendly handshake, and a disarming geniality.
Two doctors, two ways of looking at the world, would make for one fantastic team-up. The two would bicker and argue, and eventually have to bit the bullet and help the person/planet in need. It may be weird to want to see two diametrically opposed characters in the same room merely so they can argue, but I’d love to see these people trying to out-think one another, only to inevitably come together for some good hard work. Let’s see what happens when we touch infinite misanthropy to infinite gentleness.
Henry Limpet and Abe Sapien
from “The Incredible Mr. Limpet” (1964) and “Hellboy” (2004) respectively
Oh come on. You know you want it too.
Henry Limpet (Don Knotts) is a meek, wimpy guy who, thanks to his bad eyesight, was rejected from the navy. It was his biggest dream to live in the water, and his life wouldn’t be complete until he had the chance to do so.Luckily for him, he spontaneously became a fish soon thereafter (!). Not just a fish, but a fish with a superpowered underwater sonar voice that could actually aid the navy in finding German U-boats. This is a strangely powerful character for a goofy, partially-animated Don Knotts comedy from the 1960s. The mayhem-hungry geek in all of us wished we could have sen more action from Mr. Limpet.
Abe Sapien (body of Doug Jones, voice of David Hyde Pierce) is an old man in the body of a human newt. He has webbed fingers and gills and large creepy fish eyes. He works for a shadowy, underground government agency, called to the scene of supernatural mayhem. Abe is, despite his job, not really a fighter, preferring to read books in his cushy library water tank, and discuss literature with his bosses and co-workers. He is a calm and egalitarian fish-man who can empathize with anyone; which he ought to; he can read minds as well.
I would love to see the mild-mannered Mr. Limpet and the mild-mannered Abe Sapien swimming about together. They are both reluctant fighters, but acknowledge that they are good at it, and actually seem to take pleasure in the positive work they’re doing, even if they abhor the actual violence. If you need some underwater crimefighting done, call these two.
Frank Bannister and Beetlejuice
from “The Frighteners” (1996) and “Beetlejuice” (1988) respectively
Frank Bannister (Michael J. Fox) is a high-strung swindler who, thanks to a tragic car accident that took the life of his wife, can now see and communicate with ghosts. He lives in a rundown mansion, haunted by a few old friends. He has somehow convinced the ghosts to temporarily haunt spot around town, just so he can show up as the bogus “exorcist,” and banish the ghosts, all for a reasonable fee. Despite this iniquitous ploy, he does have a genuine talent for supernatural rigmarole, and a genuine goodness within him;when the ghost of a serial killer appears, he goes well out of his way to stop it.
Beetlejuice (Michael Keaton) has been dead for centuries, and has evolved into a trash-talking, pranking lech with a taste for mayhem, and who has no problem with injuring the living. All he needs is someone who is sucker enough to summon him. He is presumably named for an obscure Muslim deity. He may be a ghostly villainous asshole, but he’s a really funny guy, and one that I would love to have over… for short periods. To the newly deceased, Beetlejuice offers his services to scare the living from their old houses. I like that concept: some ghosts need to outsource their scaring.
Bannister had a talent for teaming up with ghosts, and getting into all kinds of supernatural trouble, so why not team him up with the ultimate in supernatural troublemakers? Would they be rivals or compatriots? Wouldn’t you like to see?
Neo and Jobe
from “The Matrix” (1999) and “The Lawnmower Man” (1992)
Neo is the hacker surname of one John Anderson (Keanu Reeves). By the middle of the movie (spoiler), Neo has learned that reality is actually a virtual reality being pumped into his brain by an evil race of machines, and that he must manipulate this virtual reality(from within and without) in order to free the millions upon millions of human trapped in it. By the film’s end, in fact, Neo has developed superpowers, allowing him to fly and dodge bullets. He’s a kickass cyberhero.
Jobe (Jeff Fahey) is a local simpleton who mos people’s lawns for a living, earning him his nickname of The Lawnmower Man. Thanks to the chemical and VR manipulations of a neighboring scientist (Pierce Brosnan), Jobe’s brain becomes enhanced. He not only becomes more confident and intelligent, but soon starts developing dangerous mental powers of telekinesis and telepathy. A God xcomplex soon follows, and Jobe develops a plan to do away with his rivals, and absorb every human’s consciousness into a large, Eden-like computer program. The film is kind of silly, but when I saw it at age 13, it was one of the mot astonishing films I had seen.
Again, I can’t be sure if Neo and Jobe would be allies or rivals, but they both have the virtual-reality manipulating know-how to operate in the same plane as equals. Who wouldn’t love to see the brain-melting reality-shaping CGI weirdness that these two coming together would provide?
Clarice Starling and Mulder & Scully
from “The Silence of the Lambs” (1991) and “The X-Files” (1993) respectively
Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster) is not-yet out of the FBI training academy, when she is asked to interview Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins), one of the most dangerous and fiercely intelligent criminal prisoners in history. She is trying to track down another serial killer, and her bosses feel that the insight of one killer could lead to the apprehension of another. Starling is a hard-working student with the booksmarts to find bad guys, but no actual field experience. It’s her fresh-faced approach, and her strong feminist impulses that prove to be her greatest assets, and her ability to summon barely enough courage that she never knew she didn’t have. Her first case was extraordinary, and she’s ready to see something kind of freaky.
Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully (David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson) are still relatively young, but they have seen some of the strangest cases the FBI has in their files. Cases so strange, that no other agent dare touch them. X files. Cases involving aliens and monsters and psychics. Scully is the realist of the group, trying to prove every case as having an empirical solution. Mulder is the gung-ho weirdo, insisting that there is something supernatural or extraterrestrial involved. Despite their disparate worldviews, they world well together, and are a formidable force of federal police.
Who wants to see Starling’s resolute experience with serial killers match up with the open-minds and hard work of two agents experienced in the field of freaky monsters? Everyone. That’s who.
Now start getting’ goin’ on that fan fiction.
Witney Seibold is a writer living in the United States. He writes about movies for a hobby, and when he’s no compiling lists for the good folks as Geekscape, he is maintaining his own ‘blog, Three Cheers for Darkened Years! Where he writes about all the new movies he sees, with time out for the occasional classic essay, and rundown of film series in his Series Project. You can access his site here: http://witneyman.wordpress.com/
