Teabag Prevention: How to Suck Less at Halo Week #3 – The Battle Rifle
Hello folks. Are those bastards kicking your ass every time they pick up the Battle Rifle during a Slayer match? Are you on the losing end of most fights involving a Battle Rifle? Don’t blame the weapon; she loves you. This is your fault. It’s ok, though. That’s why we’re here. This week, the Teabag Prevention team brings you some marriage counseling to enhance your rocky relationship with the most commonly used weapon in the game.
THIS WEEK: THE BATTLE RIFLE
Tip #1: THE BOOM-BOOM SHOOT
This is an important and incredibly basic strategy you might use while carrying this wonderfully reliable weapon during any match. It may have a slight learning curve, but the speed of the kill will make up for it.
Step One: Throw a grenade near your enemy; preferably right at their feet. Serve them the morning paper.
Step Two: Once they’ve received the morning edition of The Exploding Grenade, it’ll leave them with no shield. Watch them suffer for an entire half second (probably the longest you should ever let yourself rest during a match).
Step Three: This will leave your enemy open for the killing. You may choose their poison. The easiest kill would be one shot from your Battle Rifle or an easy melee kill. Depending on how far away you are. Try and depend on the Battle Rifle because even though a melee is a very powerful weapon, it leaves you extremely vulnerable to getting “stickied” or to having them melee you back. Using your BR will prevent you from getting too close to your enemy, as well as cutting the time in which they die in half. Now they’re your bitch.
Tip #2: SMACK YOUR BITCH UP
When locked in a firefight with an enemy that also pocesses a Battle Rifle, take either body or headshots while running towards them.
By the time you get to them a simple melee should get you a kill. Observe me laying the smacketh down on somebody’s face:
Smack dat bitch. If you are too far away to try and smack dat bitch, always aim for the head. Once you disable their shields one headshot should be all it takes. An enemy can take more than one body shot when they have no shields and this time could be the difference between life and death; so please practice your headshots. For tips on how to work on your headshots, please refer to nowcasting.com. If you want to kill people by shooting them in the head better, then please refer to the No-Scoping 101 section of last week’s Sniper Rifle article found here. The same tactics can be applied to using the Battle Rifle.
Tip #3: GET SOME HEAD
It’s always possible to get locked into a Battle Rifle fight in which both oppenents have a BR. During these epic battles of who-can-aim-for-the-head-better, your lack of no-scoping skills comes back to bite you in the ass and takes a huge chunk with it.
The most important thing to do, if at all possible, is to disable your enemy’s shield. Once you disable their shields one headshot should be all it takes. An enemy can take more than one body shot when they have no shields and this time could be the difference between life and death; so please practice your headshots. For tips on how to work on your headshots, please refer to nowcasting.com. If you want to kill people by shooting them in the head better, then please refer to the No-Scoping 101 section of last week’s Sniper Rifle article found here. The same tactics can be applied to using the Battle Rifle.
If your potential bitch has the same idea, you may notice that both of you are now running towards each other to end this fight with a quick smack to the face. This is a lot of people’s first impulse. When this happens, it’s important to have fast reflexes and shoot immediately. Shoot before they either figure out that they need to be doing that as well, or before they have a chance to melee you. The quickest and best way to ensure their death, once again, is to shoot them in the head. Practice makes perfect (and that is the closest we’ll come to acknowledging the name of this tip, thank you very much).
So remember: Go for the head instead of using your hands. It’s always the best, quickest and smartest idea. Anyone can use their hands; but someone who is good at the head will always come out on top (we totally lied).
Tip #4: Them long-ranged shots…
During a Big Team Battle game, or any other large scaled-map game, you might encounter enemies that are pretty far away. Killing them may be difficult if you don’t know how to do it right. Here’s how to do it right:
Learn from henchmen with machine guns from shitty action movies in which the protagonist evades a small army simply by running; move the crosshair in front of your enemy.
By doing this, you make the enemy run into your bullets. It also gets you easy headshots. Just a few shots (usually three if you do it right) and you will have yourself a cross-map kill. This is often a proud moment. You can even show it to your friends as proof that it happened; unlike that perfect blonde chick “you spent the weekend with” in Canada – yeah right, Brandon.
Note: This is effective on medium sized maps as well.
Tip #6: GET MORE HEAD. EVERY DAY. ALL THE TIME.
The Battle Rifle in Halo 3 takes more shots to kill someone than it does in Halo 2. This can be problematic, but can be solved by one thing: practice. We can’t reiterate enough how much you should be practicing your headshots with the Battle Rifle. When practicing, please remember:
1. When you are in a Battle Rifle duel – or any duel, for that matter – start shooting FIRST.
2. Keep your crosshair level with their head and strafe back and forth like you learned last week.
3. Don’t switch to grenades, don’t switch to a weapon that “shoots more bullets”. The more shots to the face you land, the better off you’ll be than with any weapon that can fire even twice as many bullets at a time. Much like we told your mom last night: quantity isn’t what counts – it’s all about quality. Just keep shooting accurately, and if you’ve practiced your headshots, this should equal a kill.
Things to Remember
– Shoot first.
– Level your crosshair onto the enemy’s head.
– At far distances, shoot ahead.
– Use the tactic that is easiest for you.
– Practice your head shots. A lot.
Now that you’ve learned what you need to do to make the most popular weapon in the game work for you, remember to use it. Don’t stick to the Assault Rifle you’re so comfortalbe with, or even the Spiker that you’ve come to love so much. Use. The. Battle Rifle. Honestly. Do it. Because if you don’t use it, you will definitely lose it.
This week’s Teabag tips were brought to you by
For any inquiries, comments, or questions about this week’s Teabag Prenetion article, please email TeabagPrevention@gmail.com.
