Teabag Prevention #25 – Standoff

*jumps directly into article*

THIS WEEK – STANDOFF

TIP #1 – THIS IS HOW WE DO IT (FIND YOUR GUNS)

Spartan Laser

Rockets

Battle Rifle

TIP #2 – PLANET OF THE HOGS (4 STEP LASER FORMATION)

The Spartan Laser is by far the most important weapon on this map. Standoff is governed by Warthogs (YOU DAMNED, DIRTY HOGS!). Those who destroy them dictate the field (RIP Heston). This is why the laser must be obtained before anything else when you are playing a Team Game on this map.

Here’s a good idea:

1. Send someone to Rocket Spawn and have them focus their star rockets in flight on the enemies who go for the Laser (this is as common as people stampeding to Rocket Spawn on The Pit), enemy Warthogs, or enemy Rockets. This is your first line of defense. Decide who will do this prior to playing.

2. Have your Warthog go the opposite route. If you encounter enemy Rockets, the driver should keep their distance, so as to throw off their accuracy as much as possible. Let the gunner take care of them – make sure to always communicate with your gunner. Then the best ideas it to have the Warthog cover the teammate that goes for the laser.

3. The guy (or gal) who gets the Laser should focus on one thing once they have that big, meaty, thick, black and beautiful piece of equipment in their hands – The Enemy Warthog. Everyone should approach the Hog with ‘nades and work together to bring it down.

4. Once it is down, feel free to eff up the people who are coming in late to the battle. You should have your whole team there with you. Boyz ‘N Da Hood up in here.

TIP #3 -INVISIDOUCHES NOT TOLERATED

The camo should only be used for infiltration and ninja missions. And please, don’t get it and immediately start firing away. It defeats the purpose of the camo since when you shoot you become visible. People who do this are called invisidouches. Don’t become an invisidouche. Be a ninja and hold it together. Shoot when you actually need to. Don’t be an invisidouche.

The best way to enter the bases would be to use the side routes. A Shotgun would be nice too. This is to the side of the front entrance to each base. Crouch into their base and camp inside. Once the enemies start spawning out in the open, your teammates can pick them off. Your invisibility isn’t endless, though, so make sure you’re prepared to hide and join the party of shooting those who are out in the open.

TiIP #4 – WHIP OUT YOUR EQUIPMENT

Bubble Shield

Power Drainer

Bubble Shields are especially helpful when shielding yourself from a Warthog. If they’re stupid enough to try and run you over, step to the side and either hijack their vehicle or stick ’em. They deserve it for trying to run you over. Eff those guys.

Power Drainers shouldn’t be used to destroy Warthogs, but rather disable them so that teammates can commander them. Once the Warthog is stopped, BR them until they DIE. Then take hold of the map with the Warthog. Do NOT destroy it. Use it. With a buddy! It’s like going to the bathroom in elementary school – always do it with a buddy…do kids still do that?

TIP #5 – DISABLE – DO NOT DESTROY

 Warthogs should never stop, unless you’re picking up a flag or bomb-carrying teammate during an Objective match. Keep moving at all times with the Hog so that the difficulty of getting direct hits on you goes up – and so does your kill count. Use familiar routes over and over so that you cover the whole map. Always help your teammates.

Things to Remember:

• Be a Team Player – communicate.
• Get to the Laser!
• Use invisibility, don’t waste it.
• Warthogs DOMINATE this map, like social situations do you.
• Temporarily DISABLE a Warthog using a Power Drainer. Commandeer it. Don’t destroy it. Use it and Dominate with your buddies.
• Never pee alone.