Retroactive Thinking: 10 Years of Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs

For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to write. However for years it was only movies I had an interest in. I would watch TV all day and plan out sequels to my favorite movies. My desire to write anything other than a movie was nonexistent. I hated school reports, wasn’t a fan of books and had no interest in writing for newspapers or doing reviews. Until the summer of 2005.

I graduated high school in 2004. Like most college freshmen I didn’t know what the future held for me, and like most college freshmen I befriended the most important people in my life that year. It was during my freshmen year of college I became good friends with a casual acquaintance Jeff.

Jeff was a quiet guy who went to art school and read like a fucking machine. When I say a quiet guy I literally mean that the first time Jeff and I had a conversation was in March (we began hanging out in October). Jeff was the person who first told me about Chuck Klosterman (and specifically the book Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs). Being the amazing sales person he is I remember how he convinced me to read the book. We sat in a 24 hour diner, he was smoking his cigarette and Say Anything… came up. In the middle of the conversation he said “You should read Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs. The first chapter the dude swears that Say Anything… is the reason he’s single.”

That was good enough for me. However when I got to the bookstore they didn’t have any copies of it, they did have Klosterman’s newest book Killing Yourself To Live. I ordered a copy of Sex, Drugs and purchased Killing Yourself in the meantime. I loved the book and almost immediately upon finishing it the book store called me informing me my copy of Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs had arrived.

Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs became the first book I read twice in a 3 month period. I read that book over the summer. That fall semester I discovered my pop culture textbook was Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs.

Perhaps it was reading it a second time so quickly but it became a seasonal thing for me after that. I would read the book on an average of 3-4 times a year. It’s not a coincidence that I began writing for Geekscape that same year. Klosterman’s unique way of discussing pop culture suddenly sparked an interest of not just writing movies… but writing about movies (and music, and books, and celebrities, and serial killers, etc).

The influence of Klosterman’s style has affected most writer’s style. Just looking at some of my fellow Geekscape writers I can tell who has read Chuck’s books. He does an amazing job of convincing you to believe his opinions are absolute fact and his comedic delivery.

What I loved about this book and have continued to love about it is that regardless of if you agree with his opinions you tend to enjoy what you’ve read. I’ve disagreed with a lot of Chuck’s opinions, but I love journey of him explaining and trying to convince me. I don’t give two shits about Basketball or Soccer but I’ve read both essays multiple times and absolutely loved them each time.

It’s particularly difficult for me to discuss this book. There’s no story but I will say that there are at least 5 essays that I find myself constantly referring to and quoting it. For those who have never read this book I will use those 5 chapters in order to convince you it’s worth buying.

1. THIS IS EMO

This was the opening chapter that I spoke of earlier. In it Chuck discusses the fact that no one has ever experienced love. Nobody knows what love is, we only know what we think love is because of what movies and music have told us. He calls out John Cusack (for his character of Lloyd Dubler) and Coldplay (for their nonsense lyrics) specifically for distorting our ability to understand love. This essay inspired me to write a script about pop cultures effect on our idea of true love. Klosterman’s conclusion is that since songs and movies never show us the moments of a relationship where people are just hanging doing nothing romantic we feel like we’ve fallen out of love with someone when our relationships become regular and simple.

2. EVERY DOG MUST HAVE HIS EVERY DAY, EVERY DRUNK MUST HAVE HIS DRINK

In this essay Klosterman discusses how Billy Joel isn’t cool and that’s part of what makes him great. This essay made me realize that the most important albums and songs in Joel’s career are all built around an overwhelming element of sadness. Joel is a depressed everyman and the sadness shines in every song lyric. This essay convinced me to buy all of Billy Joel’s albums (beyond the greatest hits albums I had) and quickly made him one of the favorite artists. So Warning… reading this book might make you a Billy Joel fan

3. APPETITE FOR REPLICATION

There’s not a ton to discuss here. The Essay is just extremely fascinating. Klosterman tells us the time  he went on “tour” with a Guns N Roses tribute band Paradise City. While Klosterman admires them for being able to look and sound like Guns N Roses what he’s most amazed with is how wreckless they are. At one point he even muses that this band cares more about Guns N Roses music than Axl Rose or Slash.

4. PORN

In that college class I had to write my final paper arguing if I agreed or disagreed with this particular essay. It’s hard to argue with Chuck’s logic for the most part. In this essay he deduces that since the most popular types of porn are amateur and that many of the stars of online porn aren’t beauty queens that women should be glad internet porn exists as it’s makes average beautiful again. To quote Klosterman “Now the girl-next-door could literally be the girl next door”.

5. THE AWE-INSPIRING BEAUTY OF TOM CRUISE’S SHATTER TROLL-LIKE FACE

If not for this chapter I’d have never discovered some of my favorite films. This chapter inspired me to check out Vanilla Sky and Waking Life. I have frequently found myself randomly reading this chapter (as well as the Billy Joel chapter). Perhaps it’s due to my love of music and film but I think it’s more than that. I like music but I love the songs of Billy Joel and while I like film, I love the movies he discusses in this chapter. There is something great about a well-written “what is reality film”. The best thing about a well made ‘What is Reality film?’ is revisiting them, finding pieces of the puzzle that you missed the first time around. I also find it really interesting that this essay only exists because of (a) a poor food choice and (b) an old Entertainment Weekly magazine in Chuck’s bathroom.

This is the hardest essay I’ve had to write since my Jim Henson article almost 5 years ago. The fact is that this book hasn’t just inspired me to write for websites, it’s inspired me to have an analytical approach to the world. I don’t simply watch a movie, read a book or listen to an album… regardless of how good or bad any of those things are, I dig deep to find the greater good… the message and the social importance.

Fuck you Chuck Klosterman… I can’t just shut off my brain anymore and enjoy something mindlessly because of you. I sincerely hate and appreciate you for it.