Nintendo Leaving The Game Industry To Become A Toy Company!

In a shocking turn of events, Nintendo has announced that they are exiting the game market and moving into the toy business, company head, Satoru Iwata has announced in a press release this morning.

“Thanks to our recent… Okay, only success this holiday season in the form of amiibo, we have decided to cease all 3DS and Wii U production to focus on toys full time. Despite the fact that we have released countless titles of high quality, and even took exclusives from our competition, it’s clear that the audience has passed us by in favor of… Wait, what has Sony and Microsoft released?”

After a few paragraphs of rambling and apologizing, Iwata eventually got to the crux of the matter.

“It is now clear that we could release Uncharted 4 and Halo 5 bundled with the Wii U for $60 and no one would buy it. So we’re just not going to bother anymore. But what we’ve found in recent months, is that we can create poorly designed figures for pennies on the dollar, limit their availability, and make millions off of the hysteria! I mean come on, Amiibo made more money in two months than Sony and Microsoft made company wide in a year!”

This won’t be the first time Nintendo has dealt outside of the game industry. Their rich history includes the production of Hanafuda Cards and Love Hotels before stumbling on the Game And Watch, which were essentially Tiger Handhelds with Nintendo’s famous innovation to make them even worse.

When asked if their renewed focus meant that we would get more than three Amiibo prints per city, Iwata simply responded with, “Please Understand.”