My Life as a Closeted Geek…The Return!
Hello everyone, the geek prodigal son hath finally returned. For those not keeping track or don’t care, I haven’t written an article for the site since 2009 outside of the occasional music festival article or something. So I wanted to take some time to truly write something for all of you who have been asking, (I’m looking at you, Jonathan) “Where the hell is Zack Haddad?”
Late 2009…
Shortly after I wrote “My Life as a Closeted Geek” I ran out of money, got dumped by my girlfriend at the time, had to move home and subsequently had to give my dog Zapata away since I couldn’t take him home.
Needless to say, I had hit a level of depression I had never experienced before. I moved home to Bakersfield, CA in November-ish of 2009 and I moved in with my dad and his girlfriend in the house I grew up in. My parents were in the middle of a stupidly sticky divorce and I was ok with my dad moving on but I couldn’t help but feel like moving home with them was strange and no matter how hard I tried, I could never make it feel home to me. While I was there, my dad got me a job working at the produce shed he works at. So for 8-10 hours a day I worked shipping potatoes around America. I can’t say it was a completely pointless job. I got to see my dad a bunch and most of the people were nice… until I got in a fight with one of the guys in the shed and he broke my glasses. So you know, there are a bunch of “interesting” fellows who work at my dad’s office and one of them kept physically bugging me to the point where I snapped. I tore up my right hand a bit but otherwise was pretty okay. After that little wrestle/fight/scuffle, I was ready to move on.
In December, one of my good friends from college, Cyrus Gladstone, called me saying he got a job in San Diego working for a company that turns 2D films into 3D. I told him I knew nothing about that sort of thing but I would love to come in for an interview. So on January 2nd, I went in to Legend 3D in Carmel Valley and applied for a job. The woman who interviewed me was extremely sweet and enthusiastic about finding new people to get in on this new frontier of entertainment. I’ll admit, to this day I have a pretty big disdain for 3D as a whole. I feel like any company that isn’t Legend uses a very strange method for building 3D films and the end result is a no depth, card-y gimmick that gives 3D a bad rap. I probably won’t ever own a 3D TV but none-the-less a new job in cool environments outside of Bakersfield with my friends sounded like a win for me.
2010-2011…
On January 4th, I was hired at Legend 3D as a production assistant. Finally, I was back in a job where I was surrounded by folks just like me (aka BIG GIANT NERDS!!!!). Seriously, every cubicle was stuffed full of pop culture references, toys and all sorts of other stuff I would have no problem relating with people. Also, my best friend Jon Dickey got a job the same day I did and we planned on moving in together. Things were looking up. The first part of 2010 was spent on Alice in Wonderland then the rest of it was spent on Shrek 1-3. The hours were crazy but:
– I got a sick apartment in downtown San Diego (only so I could be close to Comic Con) with my best friend
– Made more money then I could spend so it really helped out that I was close to Comic Con
– Got to work on some cool projects and learn new things.
In late 2010, I was finally starting to feel better about my existence. But, I wasn’t creating anything. I had stopped writing articles for Geekscape and outside of watching movies I didn’t write anything new.
The same thing happened for all of 2011. However I got to work really closely on a bunch of movies: Transformers 3, Priest, Conan, Pirates 4, Green Lantern, Smurfs, Top Gun just to name a few. By the end of 2011, I found myself back in a relationship with the girl who had dumped me before I had to move back to Bakersfield. It was hard for me at first since I associated her with all of that crazy stuff, but alas I was getting tired of the weird dating scene in San Diego so it was nice to be comfortable again.
2012…
By mid 2012, I found myself starting to resent my job. We had moved a second time and were planning on moving a third. In the time I had been at egend, I had seen the company go from 40 people to 300 people then back down to about a 100. In the visual effects industry, it is normal for a company to have crazy growth in productive times and not in others but I couldn’t help but feel that this place that had started like my family, didn’t feel like it anymore. I was in a position to go to India and help train our employees there but due to (in my opinion) some office politics, I was never asked to go and a friend was asked instead. This is one of several reasons why I was starting to get fed up with it. I also felt myself growing apart from the girl I was dating and on Cinco de Mayo we called it quits for the last time.
In my new-found singledom, I was swept up in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Since I was 8 I have been following the Los Angeles Kings and year after year I have found myself heartbroken at yet another loss. So it was something I would never forget seeing them win the Stanley Cup.
Being in San Diego, I wasn’t able to go to as many games as I used to as an LA resident so I found myself going to a local bar called Stout frequently to watch the games with a bunch of like minded hockey fans. On one night when I was walking back from a game, I had an idea about a DJ living in San Diego and how he could find out he was part of a clandestine organization who fought demons in an effort to take back San Diego for humanity. I called it Arcane Beatz and I started writing everything down. I just couldn’t believe that I started coming up with fresh ideas again…it was a really exciting time for me.
In June of 2012, it was Jon’s birthday and he wanted to go to the Del Mar fair, eat a bacon doughnut, and watch a 90s concert. So we went to the fair to see a 90s concert with the Gin Blossoms, Lit, Everclear and Sugar Ray as the musical acts. We got there and met up with some other friends. This guy Roger had brought these two girls, roommates named Kerri and Kelly. Right away I felt a deep attraction to this girl Kelly. She was a perfect idea of what I could see myself being in a relationship with. But me being me, I was pretty shy at first and how I actually approached her was when another female friend had asked me to hold her purse and I goofily went up to Kelly and said “What I got a purse on? So what? You can’t judge me…” which I think she liked because we talked off and on for the rest of the night while sharing boxed wine from Erick Israel’s backpack. At the end of the night, Kelly and her roommate exchanged info with all of us and we all said we should hang out again since we had such a fun time.
And then two months passed. I moved out of the house with Jon to somewhere close to North Park that was cheaper. I was living alone for the first time in a long time and even though I missed Jon who was a great roommate and friend, it was nice to be alone. I would randomly see posts from Kelly on my feed of her doing stuff and I admit I liked her from a far. However, I was afraid that either my nerdy-ness or one of my hang-ups would thwart me from ever being something more than a friend to this girl. Then one night, I was out with some friends at a bar and there she was. She called my name out and we talked for a bit and I said we should ride bikes and hang out sometime even though I was too chicken shit to start something other than that. She left and I was starting to feel smitten. Later that week I was with Jon and Erick at the event in North Park at Seven Grand and there she was again. Before she left she came up to me and I got her number. She said, “I remember your name. It’s Zack. Do you remember mine?” To which I respond, “yeah of course, it’s Kelly”. She responds with “Our names go well together”.
Being a fan of the penultimate 90’s sitcom “Saved by the Bell” I was proverbially knocked on my ass. I went up to my friends and said “see that girl, I will date her”. And I did. Starting in September of 2012, I found myself in a relationship unlike any other. Being with Kelly has made me feel happy to no end and I finally started getting creative again.
I told her one night over dinner my idea for Arcane Beatz and she lit up and immediately said I that I needed to do it. I had never been with someone who had pushed me to be so creative and has supported me in the ways she has. If you read my article, “my life as a closeted geek” you know growing up I was really secretive about all the nerdy stuff I was into. Kelly isn’t a nerd herself but she really tolerates my nerdy-ness. So the fact that my action figures and Scott Pilgrim posters didn’t bother this girl was a huge relief. So I started to fall really hard for her and it was starting to scare me.
I’ve been in a few relationships in my days and I definitely see myself as someone who likes the idea of being in a relationship. Sometimes I get scared of putting myself out there but with this girl, it just felt different. I felt like I met someone who finally understands me and accepts me for my shortcomings and my overall absurdly nerdy-ness. I adopted a kitten with Kelly that I named Brunch and we started to feel like we had a little quasi family.
We started hitting milestones with each other. I took her home to meet my family in Bakersfield for Thanksgiving and I went home with her to Boston to meet her amazing family for Christmas. We spent New Years together and I was ready to start 2013 with this girl who I had fallen in love with.
2013…
This year started off rocky with personal hurdles unlike I have ever dealt with before. The only thing besides Kelly that I had going was I shot a teaser for Arcane Beatz and was in the process of editing it. On top of all that stuff, I was also hitting an all time low at work. Legend had just moved to Carlsbad, putting me at a daily drive time of 45 minutes to an hour depending on traffic. With reduced hours and that commute, it was making it harder to stay.
By April, I was ready to start preparing to leave when I got the feeling that Kelly was the one and despite the idea of not having a job, I was ready to propose to her. Now, you’re probably doing the math at home and realize that at this point, Kelly and I had only been dating for about 8 months or so. That didn’t matter to me because I just knew in my gut that this is the one. That through the good times and bad times of ever relationship, this one was worth it. I mean come-on guys, she accepts that I play video games and watch super nerdy television while always caring about what I do or think… what’s not to love? So one day while in front of her house, I got down on one knee for what was one of the most stressful moments in my life. I assume everyone who has done that gets scared thinking, “what if the person I love with isn’t ready and says no?” All fears aside, I felt like I had to take a leap of faith and she said yes.
And since then, we have been just doing the damn thing. Life has started to really pick up for me in a way I couldn’t have imagined back when I was sad and pissed off shipping potatoes.
I quit my job in early June and I admit it’s been tough adjusting to not having a job after three years but I think I’m starting to finally get there. I left Legend 3D on amicable terms and I will miss working with the people I’ve come to love I now spend my days working on Arcane Beatz full time and hopefully writing more articles for Geekscape.
So now you know in an extensive Cliff notes like fashion what I’ve been up to. I’ve never really had much of a presence in the Geekscape forums (my name is pandazack) so if you want to reach out to me, message my FB page or drop me a line at zackhaddad87@gmail.com and I would love to talk to you about this article or really whatever.
You know that project I have mentioned through this article? Well Arcane Beatz is slowly coming to fruition but I need your help. I have made a Kickstarter video, which you can find HERE. The project isn’t making money as quickly as I would hope so any and all donations would be great. It’s a cool project that will be a web series and have a very Scott Pilgrim meets Buffy vibe that I think all of you will get a kick out of.
I’ve told you all what I’ve been up to but I’ve only glossed over the why I haven’t been posting. I haven’t really felt creative in a long time and honestly I’ve been thinking for some time that my writing just isn’t as good as it used to be. Before I all Grady Tripp from Wonder Boys on you, I will just say, you guys make it fun to write again and I plan on doing more.
Well I’m done blabbering about my life to all of you. So until next time ‘scapists. I will promise you right now I won’t dissappear for years anymore because the last thing I bet you want is another long ass article like this chronicling my exploits. I love you all…till next time.
