House M.D. Season 5 Premiere

Session Start (Anthony : Clark): Wed Sep 17

Anthony: Howdy gang. Insta-review #2. This week, House.

Clark: Hells yeah!  House is the shiznit!

Anthony: I’ve never seen an episode. All I know is apparently Hugh Laurie is a dick, and everyone calls him on it, but he’s always right. So he’s the worst kind of dick.

Clark: And I’ve seen every episode of every season and love this dick with all of my… heart?  That didn’t sound right. Okay, are you ready sir?

Anthony: Yes I am sir.

COLD OPENING

Anthony: Pacey!? Oh wait promos.

Clark: WooHoo Geek shoutout!!

Clark: She’s shedding her skin!  It must be that time of the year.

Anthony: That can’t be good. Haha, her ant farm broke. Meeting adjourned!

ACT 1

Anthony: Is Black Adder in this episode?

Clark: DUDE, House’s rocking the 360!!!

Anthony: Nice! We need to get House’s gamertag.

Anthony: Is that Kumar?

Clark: Yes sir it is!!

Anthony: STFU! Shouldn’t he be in Guantanamo?

Clark: Hooray, Bloody POOP!!

Anthony: bloodarrhea

Clark: Yeah, this show is so right.  In practically every way!

Anthony: That’s almost as entertaining as Denethor squirting.

Clark: I’m sensing a trend in our IM commentary!!

Anthony: OMFG Jersey? That’s a great place to set a show.

Anthony: MAX PAYNE!  I’d like to think this movie’s going to rock. Considering it was an entertaining video game.

ACT 2

Anthony: So, apparently everyone resents house for some reason.

Clark: The only one that’s REALLY pissed at him is his best friend, Wilson. House got drunk last season and called Wilson to pick him up, but Wilson’s girlfriend answered instead and agreed to pick House up from the bar and in doing so got into a bus accident and died.

Anthony: Oh fuck. No wonder he’s pissed.  Did I tell you that I met Hugh Laurie at Mel’s Diner.

Clark: Was he awesome??

Anthony: He was incredibly friendly.

Anthony: It was late at night, and no one was there, and I was like “I haven’t watched House, but just watching Black Adder, I already know you’re the man.” And he was like “You should watch Jeeves and Wooster.” so I said, “Oh yea, that is incredible, too.” And he said thanks and shook my hand and then jumped on his Harley.

Act 3

Anthony: Heh, they’re talking about her rear.

Clark: I love Kumar.  He’s amazing on this show.  Such a goof.

Anthony: And his head is abnormally small.

Clark: Phantom Baby!!!

Anthony: That baby’s gonna have like 4 legs and two rectums

Clark: PHANTOM POOP BABY!!!!!!!!! See what you’ve been missing for four seasons!!

Anthony: Haha rectified!  I believe the term “rectum” is going to come up a lot this episode.

Clark: They knew you were gonna be watching.

Anthony: I have a soft spot that gets hard when hot chicks talk smart.

Anthony: This show’s entertaining.  Hugh Laurie = delightfully dick

Clark: And it just makes it better to know that in real life he’s super cool.

ACT 4

Anthony: So listen, about your rectum, there’s a baby in there and we need you to poop it out.

Clark: I love how, in this show, every patient with a “normal” disease is mildly retarded.

Anthony: If she has a vitamin deficiency, someone just go get her a fucking Flintstones chewable.

Clark: It’s disease roulette time!

Anthony: No, it’s special effects time.

Clark: She’s loosing red dye and corn syrup, doctor!

ACT 5

Anthony: So listen, we’re going to stick a prod and a scalpel up your ass and cut randomly without any anesthesia

Clark: Gross AND mildly arousing!  I do like that your first comment after every commercial has something to do with her ass.

Anthony: So let’s see if I’ve got it yet.  They all talk and scramble to come up with a diagnosis…

Clark: Every show, yes…

Anthony: And then the dicky crybaby swoops in and figures it all out right before we go to a commercial or credits?

Clark: Yeah, pretty much.

Anthony: Now that’s entertainment!

ACT 6

Anthony: They’re so gonna do it in her ass!

Clark: You’re on a roll, sir.

Anthony: Leprosy?? This show officially rocks.

Clark: I’m telling you.  You need to go back and watch the older seasons!

POST SHOW WRAP UP

Clark: Well sir, what did you think of your first House?

Anthony: I think I absolutely must see other episodes.

Clark: It’s hard to goof on this show, it’s just too damn good.

Anthony: Hugh is still the shit.

Clark: Always was, always will be.

Anthony: Even though I couldn’t get images of him in 18th century garb out of my head.