Geekscape Movie Reviews Fast Five

Spectacular flipping car crashes, scantily clad women, adrenaline-pumping action, and new addition to the franchise, Dwayne Johnson, as the I-always-get-my-man Federal Agent out to take down Dom Toretto.

Fast Five picks up where the last film left off, with Dom Toretto (Vin Diesel) heading off to prison aboard a prison bus, sitting hand-cuffed and looking stone-faced in his orange prison onesie. Action explodes onto the screen a mere twenty seconds in as former cop, Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker) and his lady love Mia (Jordana Brewster) team up to free her brother with some tricky car acrobatics and special effects that will get your heart speeding. It’s so fast, you’ll barely have time to tell the couple next to you to shut up and turn their annoying cell phone off. A prison bus cartwheels across the screen, and of course, somehow, no one dies. And, hence, the tone is set for this outlandish installment in “The Fast and the Furious” movie franchise. A franchise which has, since its first installment, created a billion dollar cash cow for Universal.

Now on the opposite side of the law, the three flee to sexy Rio de Janeiro where they meet up with an old family friend, Vince (Matt Schulze), who offers them an opportunity to score some money doing what they do best, stealing souped up cars. The plan inevitably goes awry, three US Federal Agents end up dying, and they barely escape with their lives. But not before driving a car into a ravine, and blowing up a truck.

So in addition to being wanted by the law, they also find themselves on the wrong end of the wrathful and motivated drug lord, Reyes (Joaquim de Almeida ), who is determined to regain his car and a key item hidden inside of it. The US Federal Agent, Luke Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson), is charged with bringing them to justice. Their only recourse is to devise a plan that includes stealing $100 million from Reyes.

For their plan to work, our heroes are going to need some reliable help; i.e. cast members from all previous four films. A fantastical plan emerges that will involve high speed chases, exploding toilets, cars flipping, crashing, and smashing, and somehow a huge bank vault being towed down the street, taking out everyone and everything in between.

Vin Diesel is back as actor and Executive Producer in this fifth film in The Fast and the Furious franchise, which has made financial success in all its films and apparently garnered news of a part six before this one was even released.  Somehow I am not surprised. How can they make six of these things? You’ll be given a hint if you stick around after the initial ending credits featuring Eva Mendes. Worry not. She’s not the actual secret.

Is there really anything new to add to this franchise, except more of what we love about the earlier films? 
Super fast cars and cutting edge special-effects headline this action-driven story that would fall flat if not for director, Justin Lin‘s spectacular effects. When you think you’ve seen every which way a car can explode or crash, leave it to this movie to one up itself. And it does over and over again.

With far-fetched action sequences, and one-dimensional characters you are not likely to walk away from this with any deep thoughts except perhaps wondering at how those Brazilian ladies can look so hot walking down the street with spandex mini-skirts riding up their cracks – literally. 

Face it, Fast Five is not about the human spirit over coming unbelievable obstacles unless you include speeding trains, and bullets flying every which way or some endearing love story. Fast Five is all about the visual eye candy and the thumping music and Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson going at it. Fighting that is. Not having sex.  Screenwriter Chris Morgan must have felt a little guilty about the shallowness of his material, as he threw in a small history lesson as to why the people in Brazil speak Portuguese and not Spanish. 

The dialogue seems intentionally absurd and I caught myself snickering a few times at the snappy one-liners and cliché characters, but it was all in good fun. None of the sequels in the franchise live up to the original movie in the story department, but in special effects, this one rules the house. As well it should, what with the bulk of the film’s budget being directed at the effects and not as its stars. Apparently there’s not a whole lot going on in Diesel’s career that doesn’t include sequels to previous work  xXx: The Return of Xander Cage, so I guess the question is why not give him a headlining role in a special-effect-driven film? If the moribund “Resident Evil” can pull a sixth film, why not this franchise that is already in pre-production of #6.

Is there anything I can say about Paul Walker’s performance?  No. He just plays the same guy from the previous films, and conveys that “I’m a better driver than you” rivalry with Toretto. Getting Tyrese and Ludacris (Oh, oops. I suppose now that they’re actors, and not models or rappers, we have to refer to them by their SAG Union names)… Tyrese Gibson and Chris Ludacris Bridges, up on the screen together for their respective roles is not only silly – but, well, ludicrous. They try to play off of each other but really it’s not that great. Gibson’s character, after lamenting at the absolute insanity of the plan, finds out that his share will include $11 million dollars. His comment? “That’s a whole lot of vaginal activity,” Yeah. Apparently he’s in. I wonder if that was the original line?  Hmmm, I think not for a PG-13-rated film.

And since we have the two of them, we need to throw in the “token” Asian guy (See? Hollywood is progressive!) with Sung Kang reprising his role as Han from The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift.  With an ensemble cast of nine there’s not a lot of time for them to say anything other than a one-liner here and there. Especially with entire subplot involving the steroid-charged Hobbs.

To say that Hobbs is over-acted by Johnson is an understatement. But honestly, that’s one of the charms of the film.  His I-will-not-fail attitude and his zippy one liners add to the essence of the film.  When he arrives in Rio, and is asked what he needs from the locals he replies, simply and tersely, “stay the fuck out of my way!”  This is not Johnson in Tooth Fairy mode. Instead he invokes more of his wrestling persona for this film. Which is a good thing, as it would be a lot more dull without that colorful character. Car wrecks notwithstanding.

So all in all, the film is much as you might expect: Gasoline-induced adrenaline, lots of testosterone to be shared amongst the characters and cars. It’s entertaining. If it’s raining this weekend, and you want to get out of the house, go for it. 

This film was screened in Seattle at Pacific Place Theaters April 26th by Allie Hanley.