Geekscape Movie Reviews: Exit Humanity
Before sitting down to watch Bloody Disgusting’s Exit Humanity, I found myself examining the box and asking myself one simple question: how do you survive a zombie uprising in the 19th century? By the end of the movie, I had my answer: by carrying a six-shooter and being the original emo kid.
That’s right. Shoegaze fans, I have found your progenitor and his name is Edward Young (Mark Gibson). But let’s back up a little bit and focus on the fantastic(?) plot.
Sometime in the future, zombies have begun to sprout/hatch/breed/propagate, causing devastation the world over. Somewhere in all of this, someone has come across an old journal that details the first zombie attack, which happened the year the Civil War ended.
This is where we meet Edward. Young, dashing, and sporting what might be a neckbeard, Edward’s magic powers include drowning zombies and shouting… a lot. Like, seriously, all the time. If he was a Pokemon, his name would be YAARRRRRRRRGH.
I’d like to relay the plot to you, but as it seems to change every fifteen minutes or so, I can’t quite tell you what the overall driving force behind the story was. It’s really as though someone pitched a TV show about zombies during the American Civil War and, after repeatedly rejections, decided to make a two hour long movie out of the five seasons they had already dreamt up.
It was too much. Between Edward sobbing about his dead wife, sobbing about his missing kid, sobbing about his (un)dead kid, sobbing about his dying horse, sobbing about the bad man who knocked him out, sobbing about sobbing and then sobbing some more, this movie drags on like a bad fish, if such a fish was prone to dragging on.
High points? The narrative voice of Malcolm Young (Brian Cox) had enough of the South in it to bring Sookie to her knees. The flash animations that helped keep the budget costs down were pretty, though always a shocking contrast to the live-action Civil War era storyline. Yeah… that’s about all I’ve got. Sorry, emo-fans, I just can’t support a man constantly screaming in zombie-infested woods and surviving.
