Fantasy Booking 2016: No Mercy 2016

Last month proved that Smackdown is definitely better at the Pay-Per-View game so as we gear up for October we will see if they continue this streak.

Match 1: Baron Corbin vs. Jack Swagger

JACK SWAGGER: They keep trying to make Jack Swagger happen. Jack Swagger will never happen!

BARON CORBIN: Loner Biker who has a watch more expensive than Booker T’s

WHO WILL WIN:

Matt: I didn’t know this match was happening until Molly emailed me her write up. Jack Swagger. They’re trying to make him a thing.

Molly: Jack Swagger.  I GUESS HE GOT HIS SWAGGER BACK OHHHHHH

WHAT WILL HAPPEN:

Matt: They will keep Jack Swagger doing his awkward promos until he fails to get the IC Belt and then we forget his existence. Baron will eventually become one of the top heels in Smackdown if given the chance.

Molly: Baron was on an awesome ride to the top of NXT. Debuting to win the Andre the Giant memorial battle royal was great. What has he done since? Some whatever matches with Ziggler and people who are smaller than him. Who exactly? Idk everyone is smaller than Corbin. Swagger needs a win to place himself as a threat on Smackdown. Against who? Not really sure, since any story where Corbin’s been a threat has quickly been trashed.

You know what I really hope follows this match? Corbin and Swagger get made a team in the Dusty Rhodes tag team classic. I’m a big fan of the classic lucha trope ‘make the enemies into tag team partners’, and Corbin being one half of the team that came in 2nd place is a perfectly valid argument to present to William Regal. We’re probably going to have a shitload of teams in this tournament between NXT itself, the cruiserweight teams, and potential main roster inclusion (I could easily see Sheamus and Cesaro as a team in the tourney), but the longer the tag classic goes on, the happier I’ll be.

MATCH 2 – NIKKI BELLA vs CARMELLA

NIKKI BELLA – Dates John Cena, Has a twin sister, was a heel but got an injury that could have ended her career but didn’t so that makes her automatically a face for a few months.

CARMELLA – If you live near north jersey/Staten Island area… this is that chick that demands everyone’s attention on the drunk bus

WHO WILL WIN:
Matt: As much as I’d love for Carmella to win this, I feel confident that WWE will give this win to Nikki. She hasn’t had a super major win since her return and this will be a good win for her.

Molly: Nikki Bella. Carmella’s gonna have to be taken out on a stretcher after her eardrums rupture from the sheer volume of Nikki fans screaming when she enters.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN:

Matt: If the world loves me and gives Bliss the Smackdown women’s title later on in the night then I think Nikki will be the next logical challenger after Becky’s rematch. Carmella will continue to fuck up Nikki’s day and maybe even wrecks her title shot against Bliss.

Molly: Nikki is going to get the push for the belt, helping the recent NXT call-ups get over in the process. In working with Nikki, Carmella gets Sasha-level brutal in her heel promos. Snatching edges, reading thots, getting cut off before she can curse girls out. I’d be into Carmella vs Naomi following this cause I feel like these two could really compliment each other and put out a solid match if given enough time and space for creativity. Nikki is going to face Alexa at the next PPV and hopefully lose to give Alexa more legitimacy and heat, making the eventual Nikki win more valuable.

MATCH 3: RANDY ORTON vs BRAY WYATT

RANDY ORTON – An RKO-Out-of-Nowhere machine that was out on injury only to come back and wrestle a match leading to more injuries.

BRAY WYATT – Bray Wyatt is the wrestling version of an 80’s slasher film. Scary when you were 8 but kinda laughable now that you’re an adult.

WHO WILL WIN:
Matt: I feel like my predictions from last month probably could still apply but I don’t do that specifically. I will still stress that Bray needs this win. I want Bray to get this win. Universe… please give Bray this win. Don’t have some wacky Kane distraction or anything. Just a clean pin.

Molly: Randy Orton. Bray has totally lost himself and he needs this loss to Orton after thinking he’s got it in the bag to make him finally snap completely

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:
Matt: Randy Orton will continue to pop up for unexpected RKOs and occasionally wrestles matches but Bray NEEDS to have a nice long mean streak. A real one. No DQs, no distraction roll-ups… just a strict up winning streak… all clean but cruel. But this is WWE so he’ll most likely job out to a returning Goldberg next week or something.

Molly: WhatCulture did it better than I ever could, so here you go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4XCq3Q0v3M

MATCH 4: THE MIZ vs DOLPH ZIGGLER

THE MIZ – Typical Hollywood Sleazeball who is the master of back-handed compliments and mean spirited truth bombs.

DOLPH ZIGGLER – He LOVES wrestling and will loudly tell you about it while crying if wrestling is mentioned near him. He also used to be a cheerleader.

WHO WILL WIN:
Matt: This is the toughest one to call. I love The Miz right now. He’s on fucking fire, but Dolph is one of the first wrestlers I bought merch of. I know that the joke is “retirements are never forever” in wrestling and that Miz could still win and Dolph gets to stay … but I’m going to pretend that the rules are legit in this one. I think Dolph wins this… but by going full heel. I mean like Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena at Summerslam defeat. I don’t just want Dolph to beat Miz… I want him to destroy Miz with violence we never thought Ziggler was capable of.

Molly: Miz cheapshots Dolph with the title when the ref isn’t looking to get the pin. Expect Miz to pull out a figure four to pay tribute to Flair’s famous retirement match.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:
Matt: The now heel Dolph will retain the belt for a short but decent run. Maybe until the Rumble or the Pay-Per-View after. He has a few good set of matches against Heath Slater and Dean Ambrose but no other wrestler could really use that belt quite like Apollo Crews. They just need to find a way to make the crowd care. As for the Miz? He’ll get his rematches of course but I could see Miz disappearing for a few months to be in another WWE movie or two and making a huge return at the Smackdown after Wrestlemania.

Molly: No one retires forever in wrestling, as I learned when Flair showed up in TNA just a few years after the most emotional retirement match of all time. Just… just shit on my dreams and laugh at my tears, Ric, it’s fine. It only hurts when I breathe.

Ziggler is going to leave. We’ll actually think he’s gone when he doesn’t show up on the next episode, or next bunch of episodes. The Miz’s incredible reign will continue for a while, hopefully until Wrestlemania. But remember what I said at the start of this paragraph when Ziggler returns to throw the Miz out of the Royal Rumble.

MATCH 5: HEATH SLATER & RHYNO vs. THE USOS

HEATH SLATER & RHYNO  – I’ve never seen Trailer Park Boys… but I imagine it’s about this tag team.

THE USOS – They used to wear bright colors and face paint but now they’re bad guys so they dress like NWA rejects Eazier-E and Frozen Water.

WHO WILL WIN:

Matt: The Usos should win this belt. I’ve predicted 3 title change for this pay-per-view and I doubt we will get all 3 of them, but this is the one that I think makes the most sense. Heath and Rhyno are over but Rhyno has other stuff on his plate (or should I say … he has other cheese on his crackers… no, no I shouldn’t say that) and Slater will be over with or without him. The Tag Belts need to be on an actual tag-team, specifically heels so American Alpha can eventually win those titles.

Molly: Heath Slater & Rhyno cause I fucking said so and my word is law

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:
Matt: Rhyno continues his political career until he’s running from President in ten years. Slater will continue to be one of the most popular people on Smackdown. If Miz retains and/or Dolph turns heel for a win, the IC Belt would be a great chase for Slater. Finally the Usos will keep the titles until whatever Smackdown Pay-Per-View occurs between the Rumble and Wrestlemania.

Molly: You may disagree, but this is my take on something I ultimately know nothing about because I’m not in the writers room, locker room, or boiler room of Smackdown and my opinion is moot. That said, unless you actually DO work for the WWE (you don’t), your opinion is also moot. What are we? What is life? What is real and fake any- look, just hear me out on this. Having a comedy tag team could be the best thing for this tag team division right now. It makes every tag team look serious by comparison. I believe when the Ascension came out on Smackdown, that’s the most intimidating they’ve looked since arriving on the main roster. The Usos in this heel gimmick (albeit it comes across a liiiiiiittle too stereotypical ‘thug image’ for my comfort zone) is the most threatening they’ve seemed in a long time. Literally any tag team has a chance against Heath Slater & Rhyno. So give every team a chance! And any wins the champs get will be by fluke or DQ or something silly so the other team will still come out strongest despite a loss. Meanwhile, they’re murdering each other for #1 contendership in matches like Vaudevillians vs American Alpha on free TV. That’s a Takeover-worthy main event – proof these guys are the real deal – you’re getting on TV. So when the belts do eventually come off Slater & Rhyno, you’re gonna hopefully love the team that did it and that’s what we all wanted to see happen.

MATCH 6: BECKY LYNCH vs ALEXA BLISS

BECKY LYNCH – Imagine if Merida from Brave was SUPER into SteamPunk

ALEXA BLISS – Regina George Cosplaying as Harley Quinn… it’s awesome and sexy and she will be mine one day.

WHO WILL WIN:

Matt: I’m going to assume that Becky retains the belt at the show… it seems like the easy answer but I’m going to disagree with the easy answer this time. Becky Lynch is a great champ but Lynch is best used as a chaser than the one being chased. She’s not John Cena, she’s Sami Zayn. Alexa Bliss has been on fire and her winning this belt so quickly after Lynch has already won it will do wonders for her career.

Molly: Alexa Bliss. I want to see her hit that 450 splash I know she can do, but I feel like she won’t be getting that move back until she turns face again.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:

Matt: Bliss should hold the belt till at least the Royal Rumble. She’s doing amazing work as a young and cocky heel and that’s the kind of title reign that the women’s division need.

Molly: I love Becky Lynch. I love her most as the sympathetic, pure babyface who is clearly talented enough to be champion. But she just can’t outsmart the villains like Bliss every single time. Alexa’s another former NXT star that I really think deserved that Women’s Championship. I wanna see her make an excellent heel champ, especially at Becky’s expense. Let the feud continue for a while, because both of these girls can go, and have the title actually go back to Becky again in a fluke win at the nxt PPV. Next Smackdown, Alexa reveals something went awry in the match. She gets her title awarded back, and we move forward feeling more sorry for Becky than ever and hating Alexa so much we wish something awful could happen to her. Like Spirit Halloween running out of Harley Quinn costumes before she can get one.

MATCH 7: AJ STYLES vs. DEAN AMBROSE vs JOHN CENA

A.J. STYLES – If his theme song is any hints about him… he’s a redneck that nobody will be breaking

DEAN AMBROSE – If we did a D&D Alignment chart of professional wrestlers, Dean would be Chaotic Neutral

JOHN CENA – That guy on the Fruit Pebbles cereal box

WHO WILL WIN:

Matt: AJ Styles retains. Who he pins is going to be the big question though. Do they protect the unpinnable Super Cena and have Styles pin Dean again? I prefer the other option. Cena has bragged that only a handful of people have pinned him clean but no one has pinned him clean twice (false) and I love the idea of that man being A.J. Styles. That way Cena can go back to more reality TV shows and Dean isn’t immediately back to the dude who gets pinned all the time.

Molly: AJ Styles. The backing of my sheer inability to believe that Cena will get his record breaking win on a small PPV. And the fact that the writers will never want Ambrose to be champ as bad as I do. Not that I dislike champ Styles… BUT I REALLY LIKE AMBROSE.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:

Matt: I’ve already booked it a bunch but I am continuing to book AJ Styles retaining up until Wrestlemania. I’ve predicted that Finn is going to return at the Rumble, win it and call out a match against A.J. Styles at Wrestlemania. Since currently things still seem like this is moderately plausible then I’m sticking to it.

Molly: AJ Styles is going to be (if he’s not already) the face to lead the Smackdown brand, while Kevin Owens leads RAW. I’d never thought I’d see it happen; it sounds more like something I’d fantasy book back in 2010. But Styles is a star and deserves to prove that to the unknowing. No better way to do that than with the strength of the championship on a new, clean-slate brand extension. I’ve had about enough of the Cena vs Orton feud to last me 2 lifetimes, but it could be great for further getting Orton over as an unhinged heel. And fully unhinged heel Orton vs unhinged asshole-face Ambrose is something I didn’t know I needed until I got halfway through that last sentence.

Cena is breaking Ric Flair’s record at Wrestlemania. And I hope it’s not against Styles since by ‘mania I’d like to see Bálor back and some movement in the Bullet Club story they were teasing at Summerslam. Under the right circumstances and with a great story, I don’t think I’d hate a ‘mania title match between Ambrose and Cena. I’ll save my hope for a Shield triple threat for a time when it makes more sense (but if ya’ll wanna put the Shield in Ambrose’s corner for that match then hehehehehe *rubs hands together menacingly*). Meanwhile, if I don’t get Bray and Brock at ‘mania and Bálor’s not back yet, I’d love to see what could happen when Styles and Brock are put in a program together.