Critics And The Green Lantern Pile On
The Green Lantern Movie: Why All The Hate?
“A joyless amalgamation of expository dialogue and special effects that aren’t especially special.” –Christy Lemire, Associated Press
“Even in the brainless world of cinematic comic books gone bad, it’s as bad as it gets—a dumb, pointless, ugly, moronic and incomprehensible jumble of botched effects, technical blunders, and cluttered chaos.” –Rex Reed, New York Observer
“Green, we’re told at some point in ‘Green Lantern,’’ is the color of will. Based on the movie surrounding that line, it’s also the color of won’t. Won’t make sense. Won’t satisfy a soul. Possibly won’t make a dime.” –Wesley Morris, Boston Globe
“With blood and rage of crimson red, Ripped from a corpse so freshly dead, Together with our hellish hate, We’ll burn you all–that is your fate!” –The Red Lantern Oath.
By reading the “mainstream” reviews of the Green Lantern movie, one would think that Green Lantern was not only the worst movie in the history of cinema, but that it also punched your grandmother in the face and set your house on fire.
Virtually every entertainment review site on the net fired off their best attempt to nuke this film with a mixture of disdain and glee. Actually reviewing the movie? Screw that! That was a distant second as far as most were concerned.
Peter Travers of Rolling Stone, says the movie sucks but gives you nothing to back up his opinion. “a new primer on how not to make a comicbook movie unless you want to screw shit up. Flat FX, smirky acting, clunky writing and clueless direction. WTF?” WTF, Indeed. How about you NOT try to desperately attempt to sound “hip” and try actually saying “why” you don’t like the movie. But that would mean, OMG, that you would actually have to write a review, as oppose to cut & pasting the synopsis and saying it sucked in so many words. Any douche bag with a blog and a keyboard can say “Worst.Film.Ever.” but I would expect more from a so-called “reviewer.” Call me crazy.
In my opinion, reviewers are suppose to present their opinion and give you reasons why they feel that way. Unfortunately, now it seems the goal of the day is to say something outrageous to be ‘the one’ that leads the rallying cry, or the one that gets the most re-tweets for their punchline comments. “Look what ‘I’ wrote!” Their reviews virtually shout. “I was the one that said Green Lantern sucked loudest and more creatively! I’m a quote on Rotten Tomatoes!”
This is part of a bigger problem, that mainstream reviewers seem to have become more interested in showcasing their “wit” than actually providing a review for a movie. “How many bad puns can I litter my review with?” How about you just let me know why the movie does or doesn’t work. Now the common denominator has been dropped lower than a broomstick at a midget limbo dance party. Allow me to give an example at the unified wit these paid geniuses have come up with:
“Lantern proves it’s not easy being green.” –Charles Koplinski, Illinois Times
Now Playing: It’s Not Easy Being ‘Green Lantern’ by Luke Hickman, highdefdigest.com
“It’s not easy being the Green Lantern”– by Mal Vincent, The Virginian-Pilot
“Shine on, but it’s not easy being green” — Tribune Web Editor
“Critics Consensus: It’s Not Easy Being Green Lantern” — by Tim Ryan, Rottentomatoes.com
“Green Lantern: It’s Not Easy Being Green. Especially when the dialogue is this incredibly lame” — By Lori Hoffman, Atlanticcityweekly.com
“It’s Not Easy Being … You Know” — by Manohla Dargis, NyTimes.com
How ironic that these same people bitch a movie out for not being creative. It actually seems like the week the movie was to be released all the mainstream movie critics got together and said “Ok, so, we’re all in agreement? Green Lantern is this year’s movie we are all going to hate? Well all right then….don’t forget to use the ‘it’s not easy being green’ line, it always kills. I used it on Green Hornet.”
It’s like these reviewers are desperately searching for a reason to just NOT like this movie.
The Realstylenetwork.com wrote “The biggest problem is that Warner Brothers is trying to push a superhero that a lot of people don’t know about.”
Wait, what? That makes no sense other than an attempt to perpetrate their agenda, that they actually know what the fuck they are talking about. Because the common man’s knowledge of who Green Lantern has nothing to do whether the movie is good or not. Did the mainstream masses know who Blade was? No, but that movie was considered a success. Was Neo a household name? No, But the first Matrix movie was a smash. Green Lantern is pretty much on the same tier as Iron Man and people loved that movie. On the other side of the coin, people do know who Batman is, but that didn’t stop Batman and Robin from being a flop, did it?
I went to see Green Lantern without any preconceived notions. And you know what? I dug it. It didn’t try to set my pad on fire nor sucker punch my gramma. It was a fun rock’em sock’em summer action movie. I knew going in that it wouldn’t be chapter and verse out of the Green Lantern comic book proper. I knew liberties were to be taken and you had to slip on your sense of disbelief along with your 3D glasses, but ok. I got in and went for the ride. Is it the best superhero movie? No, but it’s far from the worst. You’ll know that if you’ve survived Wolverine: Origins, three Punisher movies, Ghost Rider, Superman IV, Spider-man 3, Electra and whatever else.
If you are looking for The Dark Knight with a power ring, this isn’t it. But if you are looking to have some fun watching one of the DCU’s heroes on the big screen, then get your popcorn, fuck the cynical reviews and enjoy yourself.
