Battle Babes & The Art of Unnecessary Romance

There’s a game I like to play when I watch movies, called “What Broke My Suspension of Disbelief?” Sometimes it’s something big, like a Jaeger bashing a Kaiju with an entire ship, and sometimes it’s small, like the fly on that dude’s forehead in Troll 2. And don’t even get me started on the cannibalism in Fried Green Tomatoes (because I’ll be discussing that in a future article). Whatever causes it, it’s always entertaining to look back on a movie, be it good or utter garbage, and contemplate that one scene where the people writing the script just asked too much of you, their devoted audience.

With the current wave of superhero movies being made in the past decade or so, few things are as ridiculous as forcing two complete strangers to fall in love as they are being shot at by lasers and buildings are falling down around them. As the title implies, this article is FULL OF SPOILERS, so don’t read it unless you’ve seen pretty much all of the MCU films as well as most of the other recent superhero movies. Or you don’t care about having romantic subplots discussed.

My wife and I finally got around to seeing Ant-Man at the theater this past weekend, and something has been bugging me (heh) ever since: that kiss. I’m obviously no Puritan when it comes to my movie tastes; I watch stuff like Wolfcop and Dr. Giggles for Horror Movie Night on a weekly basis, and I did just watch a bunch of guys in superhero costumes punch each other silly.

So why does this 20-second portion of Ant-Man stick out so much to me? As the title here states, it’s completely unnecessary to the film, and a bit unrealistic to have occurring after a week of Hope Pym beating the tar out of Scott Lang in the basement and staring daggers at him and Hank. It’s unrealistic in a movie about a guy who invents a shrinking suit and has the ability to control ants – that’s saying something. Part of me realizes that their kiss was shoehorned in for the comedic relief with grumpy Dad (and to set things in motion for Ant-Man 2), but the rest of me is having trouble letting go and enjoying the rest of the movie. If they had just given a subtle hint that they were going to hook up in the next movie, I would be here writing about how amazing, witty and just plain FUN the script is. But nope, they had to turn The Wasp into a Battle Babe.

“What’s a Battle Babe,” you say? I thought you’d never ask! Battle Babes are strong female characters who are introduced as valuable allies in the beginning of a movie, only to be relegated to love interests or damsels in distress by the third act. The most damning part of the phenomenon is that I can’t think of any film where a male character goes through the same devolution (probably because that would be emasculating, and the majority of people consuming superhero and action movies are male). Concrete examples will paint the picture best, I think.

Hope Pym (Evangeline Lilly) in Ant-Man; as mentioned above, teaches Scott Lang to fight and control ants, helps coordinate the main heist and then pisses it all away by inexplicably falling for Scott Lang (who killed her old boyfriend Darren Cross just hours before). It’s like watching the Karate Kid lip-locking Mr. Miyagi for no reason after winning the All-Valley Karate Tournament.

Dr. Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) in Thor; she starts the movie as a freaking ASTROPHYSICIST and is not once seen using that massive intellect in either the first or second film to do anything but get into situations that require her godly boyfriend. Sif (Jaimie Alexander) is an even worse case/better example, as she spends Thor and Thor II kicking ass from one end of the Bifrost to the other and is written as a Thor clinger. Luckily, she pops up in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. free of romantic BS.

Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) in Avengers: Age of Ultron. It was hinted that she and Cap had a bit of mutual attraction in The Winter Soldier, but luckily nothing came of it (thereby saving my favorite MCU movie from certain disaster). But as soon as the Avengers start partying in AoU, sparks fly between Natasha and Bruce Banner. It’s not even subtle, and sets up an interesting dramatic point about Natasha’s experiences as a child assassin, but forcing the relationship just to get there is an low point in an otherwise light summer blockbuster. It also dismantles most of the badassness Black Widow has cultivated in her preceding films. Once a lethal assassin, now just a lady without a baby…

Sgt. Rita Rose Vrataski (Emily Blunt) in Edge of Tomorrow. Sargeant. SARGEANT. That right there denotes that she’s pretty tough and can kill Mimics with the best of them. She realizes Cage (Tom Cruise) is looping after each death, and trains him accordingly, only for him to fall in love with her and keep trying to get her to safety each loop. Rita does go down fighting, but still qualifies for the title since she’s sexualized almost from the get-go and you know from the first minute Cage meets her, she’s going to be the love interest.

Evey (Natalie Portman, again!) in V for Vendetta. V spends half of the movie using her to help him kill his enemies, and then confesses his love for her before dying. I can’t believe how badly the Wachowskis screwed up Alan Moore’s original storyline by adding that. She was supposed to have been imprisoned and tortured by V to shape her into his successor, instead we got Lolita with Guy Fawkes masks.

Elektra (Jennifer Garner) in Daredevil and Elektra. While I realize that Elektra and Daredevil were an on-again-off-again couple in the comics, the films really played her up like a girl with a crush, particularly in the self-titled sequel. You’re supposedly the great martial arts “treasure” and more or less throw it all away at the end of Elektra to smooch the father of the girl you saved. Because every warrior woman is just wasting time until she can put down the katanas and start a family.

Even the pictures I found from each film portray these women as sexy and/or weak. It’s sort of creepy.

Now, those are some of the worst offenders in recent memory, but there ARE ways to do it without making me roll my eyes. Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell) in Captain America and especially Agent Carter kicks so much ass and while she does have feelings for Cap, it never gets in the way of her busting skulls. She finds herself in peril but never waits for some dude to save the day; she’s a proactive heroine. Gamora (Zoe Saldana) in Guardians of the Galaxy is ALMOST a Battle Slut, and will likely become one in the sequel, but I think James Gunn did a great job poking fun at the trope a bit and didn’t leave her waiting to be rescued by Peter Quill.

Maybe my problem with Battle Babes and all the unnecessary romance in comic book movies is that, for me, unconsummated affection works better than forcing strangers to fall in love while evading death. That comic book movies seem to utilize Battle Babes most of the time, doesn’t make me love the genre any less, but their prevalence in a film is an easy barometer for me to tell how good the adaption is.

So, what do you think? Am I crazy? Are Battle Babes anachronistic? Leave a comment!

Post script: I just realized that Batman does kind of get the Battle Babe treatment (thanks to Talia’s betrayal) in The Dark Knight Rises. So there’s one.