Geekscape Reviews ‘The Last Lovecraft: Relic of Cthulhu’
It’s not really fair to judge a movie by anything other than its own merits. For example: Batman and Robin was a pretty crappy Batman movie, I think we’re all agreed on that. So while it may be true that when viewed as a Luchadore movie – turn the Spanish language on and try it sometime – it’s kind of fucking awesome, praising it as a great film would be a little disingenuous at best and willfully naïve at worst. The Last Lovecraft: The Relic of Cthulhu has a similar problem. I want to criticize it for being a bad fantasy adventure story, in a similar genre as Monster Squad or the web series A Good Knight’s Quest, but it’s not an adventure story, despite what the plot might tell you. It’s the story of a bunch of geeks hanging out and bitching at each other. Luckily for me – and admittedly bad for the rest of you – it’s not very good at that either, so I can still criticize all I want. Good thing too, what with me being a critic and all…
The Last Lovecraft stars It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’s Kyle Davis as Jeff, the last in a long line of Lovecrafts. I’m going to stop the review right there to point out that horror writer H.P. Lovecraft, to whom this film is nothing if not a loving homage, had no children. The movie points this out too but makes no attempt to explain the plot point away, which isn’t so much hanging a lantern on the problem as acknowledging that the film is flawed. Anyway, one day Jeff comes home from work to discover a member of The Watchers’ Council or something has broken in. He shoves an ancient artifact in his hands and tells Jeff that he must guard it with his life, or the Great God Cthulhu will rise from the deeps to destroy the world. Being a halfway sensible human being Jeff wants none of this, but his roommate Devin McGinn (who also wrote the screenplay) is a true believer and before long an attack of fish monsters convinces even the suspicious Jeff to just run with it. Literally. They run their asses off.
This is actually a decent setup for a movie. Not brilliant, exactly, but fun loving and full of fan service for all of us Lovecraft snobs (like myself) to enjoy. When The Last Lovecraft actually focuses on the plot it takes on a pleasing Dr. Who type quality with some dramatic plot points and some really sweet makeup effects, but for most of its running time the film tries to coast on the charm of its protagonists, and they’re just not that charming. Jeff is an inconsistent character, supposedly meek but with a history of decidedly un-meek bullying. His banter with Devin McGinn is forced, evoking better bromantic relationships like Dante and Randal’s in Clerks rather than forging its own identity. As soon as pathetic über-geek Barak Hardley shows up obsessing over his toys and berating his own grandmother for – may God have mercy on her soul – eating all of his peanut butter the cast is complete… ly unlikable. Homophobia comes up a lot. Call me politically correct if you must, but I really rather thought we were past using homosexual terror as a punch line.
So it’s not much of a buddy comedy, and merely an adequate horror adventure. It tries to glide by on fan service (although it is fun to see Cthulhu use a nuclear submarine as a baseball bat, even if it had to be Flash-animated), and Lovecraft fans will probably enjoy it a little since hardly anybody seems to try that outside of comics these days. But it’s not particularly funny, not especially exciting, and unless you really want to watch the director’s commentary, pencil tests and extended scene in the DVD’s special features, it’s not terribly recommended for anyone but hardcore Lovecraft enthusiasts.
The Last Lovecraft: Relic of Cthulhu is out on DVD this week from Dark Sky Films.
