Melrose Place Returns
Last year when I reviewed the new 90210 for this very site, I will admit to being somewhat scathing in my assessment of that show. However, I did wish it continued success for one specific reason (and yes, I’m going to quote my own article. Is that tacky? too bad) “OK, I’ll come clean; my real secret hope for the success of 90210 is that if it’s a hit, The CW will follow it up with a Melrose Place Redux” Well, apparently the television Gods were listening that day, because less than a year later we are witnessing the rebirth of Melrose Place, in all its trashy glory.
Back in the 90’s, there were two kinds of people; Beverly Hills 90210 people and Melrose Place people. I was definitely one of the latter. Originally, Melrose Place was virtual clone of 90210, except instead of 25 year olds playing high schoolers, we had people in their late 20’s/early 30’s playing 21 year olds. Melrose was more or less the same boring morality plays and stories about growing up in the big bad city that 90210 was. And nobody watched it, including me. I suppose in conception, Melrose was supposed to have more in common with Friends than 90210, with an attractive group of twenty-somethings living next to each other and having romantic entanglements – only I don’t remember Jennifer Aniston having multiple personality disorder, or David Schwimmer having a forced lobotomy performed on him. Hell, I might have even watched Friends if they had. In any case, ratings dipped, so creator Aaron Spelling brought in Heather Locklear as the resident Queen Bitch of the apartment complex, Amanda Woodward. Things very quickly became ridiculous and actually very entertaining. Pretty soon, the show had catfights, hookers, cults, stalkers, obscene phone callers, murders, and of course backstabbing and affairs. Characters died, and some even came back from the dead. And for awhile, the infamous swimming pool in the courtyard was even haunted. The only thing they didn’t do was aliens. All of this camp insanity made Melrose totally must watch television, at least for the first 5 seasons (the less said about the last two seasons the better) Melrose Place closed its doors finally in 1999, fittingly closing out the decade whose pop culture they had helped define.
2 MINUTES WORTH OF REASONS WHY THE ORIGINAL MELROSE TOTALLY ROCKED
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mnehw5FB5g8
And now it is 2009, well into the age of reboots and sequels. The new Melrose is a bit of both actually. Almost all of the cast is new, all said to be in their early 20’s (although how some of these kids could afford the rent on a place like this is so “tv logic”, but whatever). Although the cast is mostly new, two notable former cast members make very welcome returns-Thomas Calabro as sociopathic doctor Michael Mancini and Laura Leighton as ex stripper/call girl/cult member Sydney Andrews. Sydney left the cast at the end of the original show’s 5th Season, after being killed on her wedding day by being mowed over by a car. But on Melrose, faking your death is like a rite of passage I guess…Heather Locklear’s Amanda did it at least twice in the show’s run. So for Melrose 2.0, Sydney is back amongst the land of the living. But only for the first 5 minutes of the show. Yes, they brought back Syd from the grave, but only to kill her off right away.
Before the opening logo even appears, we are treated to an intro to all the seven main characters who now live at 4616 Melrose Place. First there is blonde, hot and dumb looking David (Shaun Sipos) who is feeling up some nameless LA hottie in a nightclub, when he gets an emergency text from his landlady and ex lover, Sydney. He rushes over there to find Sydney in no real need of help, except to say she did something “really, really bad” and won’t he please stay the night. David is apparently the son of Michael Mancini, so by fucking Syd he is fucking his ex step mom. Classy. Of course he doesn’t stay, and the next morning all the tenants rush out when they hear new tenant Violet (Ashlee Simpson) scream upon discovering Syd’s bloody body in the pool. Then not much happens for like, 20 minutes, as we get lame screenwriting 101 intros to all the cast members…and so far they are almost all boring. We have Jonah and Riley (Michael Rady and Jessica Lucas) the perfect couple who have been together five years. Jonah asks Riley to marry him, but she’s gotta “think about it.” YAWN. Then we are introduced to Lauren, (Stephanie Jacobsen) a sexy medical student with a heart of gold struggling to pay her tuition. DOUBLE YAWN. Then there’s Auggie (Colin Egglesfield), a hunky young chef who the writers are making it seem really obvious that he’s Sydney’s killer, so he probably isn’t. The only standout in the cast is Ella Sims(Katie Cassidy) who is the bitchy, blonde young vixen, clearly meant to be Heather Locklear 2.0. Except with a bit of a twist, as she’s bisexual (a clear attempt at getting some straight guys to actually watch this show) She seems to be the only one who knows what show she is in and is having fun with it. Finally, things get fun in the last act when a rich guy offers Lauren $5000 dollars to sleep with him and help her with tuition, and Jonah accidentally discovers a big time director fucking around with his teenage daughter’s equally teenage friend and has the video to prove it. Now that’s the Melrose I know and love. Oh, and I haven’t said much about Ashlee Simpson. That’s because she is barely in it. All I know is she has bright red hair in this show like Sydney, and steals a photo of Sydney at the end of the show. If that doesn’t scream “Syd is my long lost mother and I had something to do with her death” I don’t know what does.
I have to admit, this show is not good by any real definition of the word. But I’m still on board. Making fun of the acting is kind of pointless on a show like this, as no one watches them for the acting. Or the writing. But it has the potential to be trashy fun like the original show was if they do it right. And I will also admit that the whole “Who Killed Sydney Andrews?” plotline alone has me hooked. After all, Syd and I go back a long way. Back to when I used to wear purple Doc Martens even. Of course, what also really has me really interested are the returns of other members of the classic cast; original Melrosers coming on to the show soon include Josie Bisset and Daphne Zuniga, and the producers have already stated their intentions to bring back Grant Show and Courtney Thorne Smith. Andrew Shue realized what all Melrose watchers knew for six seasons, that he couldn’t act and retired from acting, so fat chance there. And both Marcia Cross and Doug Savant have moved to big time stardom with Desperate Houswives, so don’t count on their ghosts in the swimming pool anytime soon either.
But what this new Melrose really, really needs is a dose of Locklear. Locklear’s Amanda WAS Melrose Place, and without her it just won’t really be the same. Heather Locklear is still smokin’ hot for a 47 year old Cougar, I could easily see her bedding any of these twenty something guys. Despite her recent bout of crazy, time (and botox) has been kind to Heather. Apparently, the producers of this show are desperately trying to get her to sign on the dotted line. Heather saved one version of Melrose Place….can she save this one too? I know I will be tuning in to find out.
