Top Five Movie Franchises/Properties that need a Reboot

In honor of JJ Abrams’s successful restart of the Star Trek series, I’d thought it would be appropriate to see exactly what movie franchises could also use a good revamp. These are the properties that have/had potential, but have since become either tired, stale, or forgotten—much like the Cheetos hidden in your couch cushions. So, I say it’s time to dig deep into the proverbial cracks of your sofa, pull out a Cheeto, ignore the pervasive aroma of ass, and take a satisfying bite because, girlfriend, you in need of a makeover. *clicks fingers and moves neck in a circle*

Daredevil
Considering Jonathan (Jonathan London, host of Geekscape.net’s Geekscape…go to the front page and watch) mentions a Daredevil reboot on every freakin’ show (along with an odd childhood obsession with Escape from Monkey Island), this franchise was a dead lock for this list. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that Jon’s right on this one. The Daredevil movie from 2003 is the cinematic equivalent to Down’s syndrome—it moves slow, says ridiculous things, and stages fights in a school playground. So, how about a movie that gives our blind lawyer the respect he truly deserves? My familiarity with the comics is hazy at best, but there’s got to be a solid and entertaining storyline that would lend itself to a feature plot. Combine a smart, intuitive director (anybody else want to see Danny Boyle tackle a superhero film?) with a solid cast and you’d have yourself a winner. Also, considering the Incredible Hulk came out a mere 5 years after Ang Lee’s abortion, it’s not like Marvel would risk that many angry calls of “too soon.” If anything, watch the Ben Affleck version again and you’re bound to say “not soon enough.” *Congratulates self on hackneyed journalistic wordplay* 

The Mighty Ducks
Okay…hear me out on this one…if you’re a kid who grew up in the nineties, you were a Mighty Duck fan. Back in the day, I loved this movie so much that I even bought a pair of rollerblades so that I could learn how to skate. Granted, this turned out to be a grave and costly mistake when it came to my rung on the elementary school’s social ladder (surprisingly, purple skates are not nearly as cool as Walmart salesmen would have you believe), but it nevertheless proves my love for the movie.

Scarring childhood memories aside, the Mighty Ducks really was a solid kids’ franchise. Yeah, I’ll admit that the third one—which takes place in a boarding school—is certifiably retarded, but hey, why not bring it back for a new generation? If Will Smith can revamp the Karate Kid with his own son, can’t we get a greenlight for the Ducks? Think of the possibilities! Perhaps Joshua Jackson can come back as the new coach or maybe they could even get a cameo from the Mighty Duck man himself, Emilio Estevez—God knows he’s not doing anything else.

National Lampoon’s Movies
Back in the day, the original National Lampoon movies used to be really funny. Chevy Case’s Vacation is a heralded as a comedy classic. Now, the Lampoon flicks are reminiscent of attending an all-day comedy jam featuring Carrot Top and Carlos Mencia. So, let’s rewind the past eight or so movies (National Lampoon’s Adam and Eve, WTF?) and start with a fresh, exciting plot and some new creative talent. If I were in charge, I’d contact the dudes from College Humor to pen the script. The viral stuff you find on that site is better than 90% of comedies in theaters today, so why not give them a shot at a full length feature? Seriously, what’s the worst thing that can happen? I really don’t think you can sink much lower than National Lampoon’s Dorm Daze. Watching that movie is a trial of both patience and self esteem. Everything in it is just so blatantly bad that you actually begin to feel sorry for everybody who is involved. So, it’s just like a car accident or seeing amateur improv comedy.

Ghostbusters
A Ghostbusters 3 has been in talks for eighteen trillion years, and I’m pretty sure the people in charge of the franchise can’t even get its spiritual (bad pun alert) videogame successor off the ground. Well, frankly I think we need a Ghostbusters for a new generation. This may sound blasphemous, but just start from scratch. I love Bill Murray as much as the next guy, but he doesn’t have to appear in another Ghostbusters movie to make it work. Plus, since he went all serious actor on us, I’m pretty sure he’s too busy starting stoically in the camera while jerking off a cat for the next Jim Jarmusch movie to bother himself with petty mainstream trash.

We’ve got a new age of young, comedic Hollywood talent on our hands, so why not use it? Remix the classic theme song, call Seth Rogen and his group of 80 closest actor friends, and you’re sure to have yourself a hit. In a world of perfect synergy, Ivan Reitman’s son— Jason Reitman—would direct. And, then Hollywood’s head could collectively explode.

The Muppets
It’s not so much that the Muppets need a revamp, but more so that they just need a good ol’ fashioned comeback. The last time our puppet pals made an appearance on the big screen was 1999’s Muppets in Space. Considering in that time we’ve managed to have four Fast and Furious movies, I don’t think it’s too much to ask to give me a little Kermit as well. I mean, honestly folks, who doesn’t love the Muppets? They’re adorable, cuddly, funny, and completely f-ckable lovable.

As Much as I hate jumping on the pop-culture bandwagon, my vote would be for a Muppets in 3-D. Yeah, it might be gimmicky, but I’ve always wanted to see a feature version of the much venerated Disney attraction — not to mention, it would give the studio fat cats something to market the film with. Because as we all know, there’s nothing that people like more than 3-D (possibly boobs…Ooo, 3-D boobs!…anyway). Combine them both in one film, and you have a tasteful and cinematic classic for the ages. Hmm…Muppet Porn?…Then “Gonzo” would actually make sense as a genre! Yes! Hollywood, call me!