2013: An Alternative Music History
Preamble: The obligatory year end list. Personally, I abhor most music blogs/publications’ picks because either they’re so blatantly obvious, or they lean heavily on the second half of the year and discredit songs played out in the first 6 months of the year, or they completely ignore the majority of the population’s tastes. So, without further ado, you may begin trolling now.
Pop music is eating itself. Are we out of ideas? Everything’s a sample, or a copy, or a rip-off… Just like the movie industry. I think the most original shit out there is EDM, but even that jumped the shark this year. There are only so many guitar chords, so many melody lines, so many words… But that doesn’t forgive the blatant disregard for originality in popular music today. Here’s 10 lawsuits waiting to happen that came out this year, followed by the song you should just listen to instead.
1. Flo Rida “I Cry”
Flo Rida is one of the worst offenders who really doesn’t have to exist. He’s done almost nothing original. He just raps boring, generic vomit over other people’s beats (most of the time) and gets millions of dollars for it. Another one is coming later in the list, but for now…
Listen to this instead:
Bingo Players “Cry (Just a Little)”
2. Ariana Grande “The Way (feat. Mac Miller)”
Granted, mini-Mariah has a good pop song here, but Big Punisher already had a smash with the piano riff. And Mac Miller just using Pun’s lyrics in the intro just comes across as lazy.
Listen to this instead:
Brenda Russell “A Little Bit of Love”
3. Lana Del Rey “Summertime Sadness (Cedric Gervais Mix)”
I’ve been into Lana Del Rey (regardless that everyone keeps shitting on my head for it) for about 2 years. She really got no love on major music outlets like radio, especially after that perceived SNL fiasco, until Cedric Gervais remixed this track. The mood of the remix doesn’t even fit the lyrics…
Listen to this instead:
Lana Del Rey “Summertime Sadness”
4. Anna Kendrick “Cups”
I get it. Pitch Perfect was hilarious. And this song is good. Glad it became more than just a YouTube sensation or a bit part in the film, and Anna’s a great singer… but I prefer the original.
Listen to this instead:
The Carter Family “When I’m Gone”
5. Bruno Mars “Treasure”
I’m glad funk-sounding music is making a comeback. Something with instruments that you can dance to. I think I speak for everyone who doesn’t live by PLUR that EDM is getting out of hand and needs to go back underground and get a hold of itself. I have nothing against Bruno Mars, and I enjoyed playing this song at my DJ gigs this year, but even the video tells you it’s been done before.
Listen to this instead:
The Jacksons “Blame It On The Boogie”
6. Pitbull “Don’t Stop the Party (feat. TJR)”
Featuring TJR? Or just rapping over his song and making millions for saying the same shit over and over again? Pitbull is the other problem with music today (next to #1 Flo Rida). Someone neuter him. Or call the cops. This party’s been over for a while…
Listen to this instead:
Toots & The Maytals “Funky Kingston”
7. Pitbull “Feel This Moment (feat. Christina Aguilera)”
Obvious.
Listen to this instead:
a-ha “Take On Me”
8. Katy Perry “Roar”
This is anthemic and catchy and enjoyable. And I usually back up Katy on everything since we share a birthday and so I feel she is my brethren. But it’s pretty blatantly ripped off from a song that came out just months earlier that Katy herself tweeted about. Hmm…
Listen to this instead:
Sara Bareilles “Brave”
9. Florida Georgia Line “Cruise Remix (feat. Nelly)”
Seriously? There was NO NEED for Nelly to put his lame ass rhymes on this track. Or mess with the beat. It ruined a perfectly fine pop song. Notice, I didn’t say country song. Every “country” song is just a pop song about trucks and painted on jeans now. And Florida Georgia Line is the Ke$ha of country. But, leave it be. Nelly already tried his hand at country rap, but he did not in fact “turn it up” as he claims he wants to do at the beginning of the video.
Listen to this instead:
Florida Georgia Line “Cruise”
10. Robin Thicke “Blurred Lines (feat. T.I. and Pharrell)”
He’s getting sued for what everyone blatantly realized was a stolen bassline. It didn’t stop the song from being the biggest hit of 2013. The video was controversial, an X-rated Robert Palmer clip, made a minor celebrity out of Emily Ratajkowski (rivaling only Kate Upton and Jennifer Lawrence as hottest female celebrities of the year)… the song brought a much needed genuine sexiness back to pop music that Justin Timberlake failed to do with his two albums this year, regardless of feminists screaming about how it encouraged rape culture (which I can see, but was nowhere near as hideous as Rick Ross’ verse on “UOENO”). I’m torn…
Listen to this instead:
